My wife and I just had a blazing argument over the phone. She’s accusing me of being a money waster and now she’s genuinely worried that the kids will miss out this Christmas. It’s put a real dampener on my trip to Las Vegas.
Continue ReadingI left my job as manager of the local one legged football team, I could never get the right balance to the side.
Continue ReadingYou smell so bad, you make Right Guard turn left.
Continue ReadingDuring our lunch break my boss came up to me and asked me if I could attend a meeting after the buffet. I told him I had too much on my plate.
Continue ReadingA policeman pulled me over while I was weaving through traffic and said, “You drinking?” “You buying?” I asked him.
Continue ReadingHad trouble getting into the front door of my local high street pharmacy the other day. I think I’m getting too big for my Boots.
Continue ReadingThe guy who owns SpecSavers must be a very busy person, He’s got loads of Contacts…
Continue ReadingFat jokes just bounce off me, like pretty much everything else.
Continue ReadingI always hold hands with my wife whenever we go out. Because if I let go, she’d start shopping.
Continue Reading‘Silence is a woman’s glory’ Aristotle. A man ahead of the times
Continue ReadingAs I was driving home yesterday, my SatNav read an alert which said: “ROAD WORKS AHEAD” How thoughtful… It’s odd how it’s never told me about a : “ROAD BROKEN AHEAD”.
Continue ReadingStudent:`Love a beer over here barman.’ Barman: `I.d. first’ Student:`I’d love a beer over here barman.’
Continue ReadingHow do you tell the drunk driver in Zimbabwe? It’s the one car that’s driving straight, not swerving to avoid the pot-holes in the road.
Continue ReadingI was bored last night, so I tied some helium balloons to my whiskey collection. It certainly raised my spirits.
Continue ReadingMy wife was going to leave due to my obsession with inserting comedians surnames into sentences We’ve built some Bridges since then.
Continue Reading