I had once had a girlfrie …
I had once had a girlfriend that was a dirty slag who after drinking strong anise and fennel based spirits did aerobic workouts and I miss her. I guess Absinthe makes the tart go Fonda.
Continue ReadingEvery afternoon, my kids …
Every afternoon, my kids take a power nap. Well, I say power nap, actually I just hit them with a taser.
Continue ReadingThis is England’86 aka Th …
This is England’86 aka This is Burnley.
Continue ReadingWhy is it that people com …
Why is it that people complain about the amount of money that footballers get paid, then when they see them play they throw more money at them??
Continue ReadingI just sold a tin of kidn …
I just sold a tin of kidney beans to my doctor for 60 pence. He says I have a really good pulse rate.
Continue ReadingYou know you’ve been on S …
You know you’ve been on Sickipedia too long, when you burst into the BBC studios in a cloud of cs gas, hold a gun to Huw Edward’s head, and demand they start coming up with better material for our jokes…
Continue ReadingWhat do you get if you pu …
What do you get if you put a zebra in a washing machine? A donkey.
Continue ReadingWhat single word can be a …
What single word can be a long sentence? Prison
Continue ReadingEvery time I get a pain i …
Every time I get a pain in my chest, my wife says I look exactly like Neil Buchanan. Must be an art attack.
Continue ReadingDifference between Chris …
Difference between Chris Moyles and his listeners? His listeners eventually grow up.
Continue ReadingAll my life I’ve wondered …
All my life I’ve wondered where I’m from. I’ve asked my closest friends and relatives, but no one seems to know. Personally, I think I’m from Notre Dame…don’t ask me why, I’ve just got a hunch.
Continue ReadingI managed to upset people …
I managed to upset people today at my wifes funeral today by asking them if they enjoyed the service… Most of them think I shouldn’t have been playing Tennis.
Continue ReadingHey, I’m air-con, kinda l …
Hey, I’m air-con, kinda like Akon, but cooler..
Continue ReadingAnybody else remember the …
Anybody else remember the good old days when ‘Where’s Wally?’ was about as stressful as life got?
Continue ReadingMy mum was driving me up …
My mum was driving me up the wall today. Her new stairlift is great.
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