I really want Harry Potte …
I really want Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak so I can hang it over one of my arms and park in the disabled spots at ASDA.
Continue ReadingPolice have said the pare …
Police have said the parents are to distraught to be interviewed at the moment over the death of their 4 year old, who died in a tumble dryer. I guess it must be a Hotpoint?
Continue ReadingWhy does Gigahertz? becau …
Why does Gigahertz? because Megabytez
Continue ReadingMy family always said to …
My family always said to me, when I was young, that I was going to be a success in life, be funny, get a good job, great wife and a big house. Well, I proved them wrong
Continue ReadingTop tip: When at the airp …
Top tip: When at the airport, if you get asked “Anything to declare?”, it’s not the best response to say “A Thumb War”. Still though, their prison isn’t too bad.
Continue ReadingI was heartbroken when my …
I was heartbroken when my old dog died so I decided to have him preserved for eternity. I wrapped him up carefully in a blanket and took him to the taxidermist’s. The taxidermist was examining the dog, checking its mouth, looking under its tail, when I asked, “Could you mount him for me?” “Not my […]
Continue ReadingThey say, “Crime doesn’t …
They say, “Crime doesn’t pay.” Well, I work in Cash Converters and apparently it does.
Continue ReadingWhats the best way to get …
Whats the best way to get the attention of Gold? ” A u “
Continue ReadingI hated my first experien …
I hated my first experience of skydiving. I jumped out of the plane with the other person next to me. Anyway, about halfway down he said, “So, how long have you been an instructor?”
Continue ReadingMe and my wife saw a youn …
Me and my wife saw a young boy in rags sitting outside Tesco. My wife asked, “Awww are you an orphan?” He replied, “Yes, what gave me away?” I said, “Your parents.”
Continue ReadingIt’s been so hard to get …
It’s been so hard to get on Sickipedia tonight that I even actually considered buying a t-shirt.
Continue ReadingMy nan has always said th …
My nan has always said that she loves those shoes they wear in Amsterdam, so as a surprise for her birthday I’ve got her some. I can’t wait to see her in her clear heels.
Continue ReadingRead this joke by jcfc TR …
Read this joke by jcfc TRUE STORY If ever there is such thing as irony, it’s here. I went into one of those Arab shops that are never closed the other day and bought a Lucozade for 89p, with a tenner. The shopwoman, veiled and all, just looked me straight in the eye and said, […]
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought 10lb’s o …
I’ve just bought 10lb’s of lean mince. It’s making me walk funny.
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to adopt a j …
I’ve decided to adopt a jaguar for two pounds a month. Poor dad can’t keep up with the rising fuel prices.
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