“Remember, no man is a fa …
“Remember, no man is a failure who has friends.” – My Xbox companion.
Continue ReadingIf you ate yourself would …
If you ate yourself would you get fatter or just disappear ?
Continue ReadingI’ve got a blind date ton …
I’ve got a blind date tonight with this girl who is 78.8 inches tall, I can’t wait two metre.
Continue ReadingRoyal Mail takes ages to …
Royal Mail takes ages to come. Kate Middleton is going to be very sore on her honeymoon.
Continue ReadingI was waiting at the bus …
I was waiting at the bus stop the other day, but gave up in the end. Every time I approached someone to ask if they would like to see a menu they just looked at me like I was stupid.
Continue ReadingI jumped in a cab the oth …
I jumped in a cab the other day and said to the driver, “Isle of Dogs.” He said, “That’s nice. I’m more of a cat man myself. Now, where do you want to go?”
Continue ReadingGetting my mother in law …
Getting my mother in law to accept the free holiday was easy!! The hard part is convincing her that dignitas is swiss for “spa”
Continue ReadingI’ll never buy one of tho …
I’ll never buy one of those abhorrent word of the day calendars.
Continue ReadingBBC news: Met Police to h …
BBC news: Met Police to help in Madeleine Hunt. Nice to see their response time hasn’t been affected by the cuts.
Continue ReadingHow can you tell if someo …
How can you tell if someones been inbred? They’ll be covered in crumbs.
Continue ReadingI was really proud at my …
I was really proud at my first day at work. I layed about 30 bricks. Which is quite impressive considering the only food I had last night was a vindaloo.
Continue ReadingAt college, I ran for Pre …
At college, I ran for President of the union. Took him out with one rugby tackle.
Continue ReadingI once stole an accupunct …
I once stole an accupuncturist’s pin’s…. Needleless to say he wasn’t happy.
Continue ReadingI hate going to the club …
I hate going to the club with homeless people. They don’t have a roof to raise, which makes them horrible dancers.
Continue ReadingAccording to a new survey …
According to a new survey, almost half of UK firefighters are considered too overweight to properly fulfil their job. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
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