There was a mathematician …
There was a mathematician who frequently sunbathed and often strayed from the topic of conversation. He was a real tan gent..
Continue ReadingApparently writing Adolf …
Apparently writing Adolf Hitler as who you aspire to become is a good way to get suspended from school.
Continue ReadingI was on Facebook earlier …
I was on Facebook earlier looking back at some pictures from my honeymoon. I tried to load one with my wife topless on the beach, and it said “Fetching photo.” I thought, “Aw, thanks.”
Continue ReadingRed Nose Day – A time to …
Red Nose Day – A time to give your missus that one free punch without being questioned.
Continue ReadingA cop saw a car weaving a …
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath. He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyser test to determine if you are under the influence […]
Continue ReadingJust read in the paper th …
Just read in the paper that a young boy from Liverpool has been mauled to death by a Bull Mastiff, he might have stood a chance if he wasnt wearing that ridiculous red rag of a t-shirt.
Continue ReadingI’m setting up a strip cl …
I’m setting up a strip club in Devon, offering Cream Tease.
Continue ReadingSomebody once asked me wh …
Somebody once asked me what my favourite house tune is. “Probably the one by Madness”, I replied.
Continue ReadingMy wife left me because I …
My wife left me because I was always running away from my problems. Or “abandoning our children” as she put it.
Continue ReadingI don’t like children. Wh …
I don’t like children. What people don’t seem to realise is that babies are here to replace us. Once you understand that you can see just how sinister they are.
Continue ReadingI was having a row with m …
I was having a row with my girlfriend last night and she accused me of being childish. What does she know? She’s just a stinky poo face.
Continue ReadingI just watched a TV drama …
I just watched a TV drama about a group of vegetarians. It was really Quorny.
Continue ReadingI joined The Pessimists S …
I joined The Pessimists Society. Where we agree to disagree.
Continue ReadingI was trying to think of …
I was trying to think of a solid grey steel with an atomic number of 74 earlier but i just couldnt get it. I swear it was on the tip of my tungsten.
Continue ReadingChuckle brothers quotes a …
Chuckle brothers quotes aren’t at all catchy to me, to you?
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