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I went outside this morning and a cup fell out of the sky and smashed on my head.. and then another cup smashed on the floor in front of me and another one on my shoulder. I went back inside the house and my girlfriend said “what’s the weather like?” “It’s a bit muggy!” I […]

If I had a penny for every time someone gave me their dog to look after, I’d have a pound.

I just went to the local Dog Pound. It’s like Poundland, except everything costs 7.

My wife blames me for her stroke. She says I taught her the wrong way to hold her racquet.

As a kid I learnt many knots whilst in the scouts. My scout-master always said the most important was “Do NOT tell your parents!”

BBC News: Bomb plotter scores court victory. That’s nice, he still gets to score with the ladies.

My new telly is brilliant, it shows 50 frames per second. I managed to watch the whole of the snooker world championships in less than a minute.