My missus asked me why I …
My missus asked me why I am always wasting my time watching the TV. She thinks I should go and find a job so we can get the electric turned back on.
Continue ReadingI try and live my life by …
I try and live my life by three simple motto’s: 1) ‘You only live once” 2) “Better safe than sorry” 3) “Never contradict yourself”
Continue ReadingWomen want equal pay? Gre …
Women want equal pay? Great! Start by paying for dinner.
Continue ReadingMy New Year’s resolution …
My New Year’s resolution was to get personal trainers for me and my wife. It.seems silly to share a pair when our feet are completely different sizes.
Continue ReadingI got sacked today from m …
I got sacked today from my job as a waiter. My boss said he thinks it will be easy to find better staff. Apparently I don’t bring enough to the table.
Continue ReadingShire Gelding For Sale. …
Shire Gelding For Sale. Bay with white legs. 17.5 hands. 5 years old. Died last Tuesday from colic. 500 ono. That’s flogging a dead horse.
Continue ReadingI’ve been laying on my fr …
I’ve been laying on my front for the past 3 hours. The article in the paper said ‘turn over for more’, but so far I’ve got nothing.
Continue ReadingA book. A book. Everyone …
A book. A book. Everyone says it’s extremely difficult and takes shed loads of research. But I wrote two in under 10 seconds.
Continue ReadingI love to get the brushes …
I love to get the brushes out and watch my five-year-old do some painting but if she keeps falling off the ladder she’ll never finish that window.
Continue ReadingA Union boss is telling h …
A Union boss is telling his son a bedtime story “Once upon a time and a half….”
Continue ReadingWe call our mate Dave the …
We call our mate Dave the ‘Fishing Line’….. He’s slim, tight, and is good at pulling the heavy pounders!
Continue ReadingBill took his dog to the …
Bill took his dog to the vet. “Doctor,” he said sadly, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cut off my dog’s tail.” The vet stepped back, “Bill, why should I do such a terrible thing?” Bill replied, “Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think […]
Continue ReadingYour sister couldn’t wres …
Your sister couldn’t wrestle to save her life, But we have all seen her box.
Continue ReadingI like being ambiguous. O …
I like being ambiguous. Or maybe I don’t..
Continue ReadingNetwork Rail have put out …
Network Rail have put out a CD of their greatest journeys. I’ve never heard so many tracks
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