I saw an obese woman fall …
I saw an obese woman fall up an escalator today. I can’t convey how funny it was.
Continue ReadingI hate when your insultin …
I hate when your insulting someone over text and predictive makes it come out wrong. You always end up looking like a right count.
Continue ReadingDriving home today, I got …
Driving home today, I got stuck in traffic. I saw a sign saying “Think Bike”… Turns out this is not an invitation to try and drive your car up the middle of the two lanes.
Continue ReadingWhy is it called Lubrican …
Why is it called Lubricant, surely it should be Lubrican.
Continue ReadingSo a disabled guy walks i …
So a disabled guy walks into a bar.
Continue ReadingJust got a random text th …
Just got a random text that read “You still got it?”. So I looked in the mirror, pointed at my reflection and gave myself a sly nod. I then realised the message was probably about the car I’m selling.
Continue ReadingTodays news reads that th …
Todays news reads that the Government have released details of a scheme to replace the current EMA – Education Maintenance Allowance. The all new ‘To Work And Train Scheme’ is designed to help all those who are stuck in the education system and being paid to stay learning when really they are ‘To Work And […]
Continue ReadingMy wife always puts on a …
My wife always puts on a jolly face. Which explains why she was fired as a makeup artist.
Continue ReadingI love playing chess at t …
I love playing chess at the park with old men. The hard part is finding 32 of them.
Continue ReadingJust sold my granddad’s m …
Just sold my granddad’s military lanyard on eBay. It was money for old rope.
Continue ReadingI’ve spent all afternoon …
I’ve spent all afternoon getting ready for a house party. I’m going as Hugh Laurie.
Continue ReadingI saw this really fit gir …
I saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt….. So, I made a move on her.
Continue ReadingI’m absolutely sick of th …
I’m absolutely sick of the harsh markers at university. I’m gonna buy my own felt tips.
Continue ReadingMy daughter has just had …
My daughter has just had her 21st. A bit of a slag if you ask me, she’s only twelve.
Continue ReadingI heard that there’s a ch …
I heard that there’s a charity which makes money by getting people to sponsor their members to freefall out of an aeroplane. They sent me a letter asking me to become a member. I’m not falling for it.
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