I went to watch that film …
I went to watch that film ‘Zoolander’ last night. I was very disappointed. I was expecting it to be like ‘Highlander’ except with Giraffes.
Continue ReadingI’m known as a man of few …
I’m known as a man of few words. Nuff said.
Continue ReadingAh, bungee rope – that ta …
Ah, bungee rope – that takes me back.
Continue ReadingI haven’t been in work in …
I haven’t been in work in four days. I’ve almost forgotten how to play solitaire and minesweeper.
Continue ReadingMy teenage son is on his …
My teenage son is on his ‘Gap year’. He was too thick to get into college, so he’s working in the clothes store at the shopping centre.
Continue ReadingRoses are red! Violets a …
Roses are red! Violets are red! Call the police! Someone’s been killed in the florists!
Continue ReadingWhat idiot invented fire …
What idiot invented fire blankets? You’d think fire was hot enough…
Continue ReadingMy teacher said I’d do mu …
My teacher said I’d do much better at school if I stopped flirting, I immediately got off his lap
Continue ReadingDFS Sofas For Dyslexics. …
DFS Sofas For Dyslexics.
Continue ReadingMichael Jackson proved ev …
Michael Jackson proved evolution, he went from a monkey to a man.
Continue ReadingEveryone loved me in the …
Everyone loved me in the school nativity, I was the star.
Continue ReadingI went on a date with a s …
I went on a date with a simile. I dunno what I metaphor
Continue ReadingA bloke stopped me in the …
A bloke stopped me in the street and asked if I had the correct time on me, I replied “I’m sorry I haven’t, my watch is five minutes slow.”
Continue ReadingDogs Trust never put a he …
Dogs Trust never put a healthy dog down. so what do they do if they’ve got a cold?
Continue Readingmy entire computer has ju …
my entire computer has just been wiped :O it hasn’t looked this clean in years
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