My wife’s been undergoing intense radiotherapy for cancer over the last six months. This has left her entire body in severe pain and caused her to lose all her hair. The rest of the family is having to deal with her constant anger at her situation. She’s like a sore with a bare head.
Continue ReadingGirls didn’t seem that impressed when I told them I work at a fishery, guiding anglers towards the best places to fish. So now I just tell them I’m a casting director.
Continue ReadingI was watching UK Border Force last night. The team was in Dover and they put in a nice selection of bedding plants and a small box hedge.
Continue ReadingI’m looking forward to my next boxing match. I’ve got 30 pounds on my opponent. At odds of 7-1 I’m going down in the third round.
Continue ReadingOpinions are like nipples. Everybody has one. Some have firm points, others are barely discernible through layers, and some are displayed at every opportunity regardless of whether the audience has stated “I am interested in your nipples” or not.
Continue ReadingI’m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
Continue ReadingMy sister asked me if I’d like to be present for her sons birth last week so I said, “Yes.” She went into labour this morning, so I turned up gift wrapped in paper with a bow on my head.
Continue ReadingI’ve just opened a new 500sq ft. shoe shop. I haven’t sold any of them yet.
Continue ReadingHeskey is like the tech guy at a work night out… Never going to score, but still goes just to show face.
Continue ReadingYou ever noticed an unwanted child can fit through a 12 storey window…? I’m just throwing it out there…
Continue ReadingSo, today Wikipedia is blocking access to free information in protest against the blocking of access to free information? God bless America.
Continue ReadingI’ve tried and tried all day to spell diarrhea. I give up, had to call it squits.
Continue ReadingA recent survey found that 97% of people wouldn’t take part in a survey…
Continue ReadingI recently did a stand-up gig at a convention for wedding cake suppliers. They were in tiers.
Continue ReadingI bought a book on double entendres but it was so big and hard, the postman couldn’t get it in my box.
Continue Reading