A man walks into a Librar …
A man walks into a Library and after a few minutes says to the Librarian he can’t find any books on Palestine. The Librarian replies, ” That shelf is currently occupied”
Continue ReadingI went to London and got …
I went to London and got myself a turtleneck the other day. And a life-time ban from Sea Life.
Continue ReadingDo wands come with spell …
Do wands come with spell checkers?
Continue ReadingI finally managed to sell …
I finally managed to sell all my old super hero comics… I feel marvel less.
Continue ReadingI went to the book store …
I went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
Continue ReadingHow do you make profitero …
How do you make profiteroles shiny? With choux polish.
Continue ReadingMy mate always buys the b …
My mate always buys the best rod, net and tackle box, just so people can congratulate him on all his gear. He’s always fishing for compliments.
Continue ReadingI really like to let my h …
I really like to let my hair down at the weekend. I show it all the expensive shampoos then just buy the cheap one.
Continue ReadingIt’s allways annoyed me t …
It’s allways annoyed me the way people in wheelchairs complain about being discriminated against all the time. It wouldn’t be an issue if they just stood up for themselves.
Continue Reading“A cup of tea is a lot mo …
“A cup of tea is a lot more refreshing than a cool bottle of water on a hot summers day!” Promised one of my friends. “The third degree burns i’m now feeling on my scalp and down my back disagree with you mate” I replied.
Continue ReadingGot deepthroat off a Thai …
Got deepthroat off a Thai hooker last night Sorry, that was a cheap gag.
Continue ReadingI can count on one hand h …
I can count on one hand how many fingers I have on one hand.
Continue ReadingJust been on holiday in t …
Just been on holiday in the South of France….. it was Nice
Continue ReadingI went to a fancy dress p …
I went to a fancy dress party last night and I saw this guy who’d dressed as a Helium balloon. He was stuck to the ceiling, I thought “He’s let himself go.”
Continue ReadingI like to drive around in …
I like to drive around in my car blaring songs from an ice cream van just to see those happy little faces fade when they realise there is no ice cream
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