My new robot has dementia …
My new robot has dementia. I think it’s got a screw loose.
Continue ReadingPrince Charles has compla …
Prince Charles has complained that modern people are far too materialistic. I wonder which of his palaces he was sat in when he thought that one up.
Continue ReadingWill someone please descr …
Will someone please describe to me in simple terms what ‘laymans terms’ means?
Continue ReadingThe hand is quicker than …
The hand is quicker than the eye. Unfortunately, the CCTV camera at my nearest primary school’s gates is quicker than both.
Continue ReadingI had a problem with my c …
I had a problem with my card the other day, so I decided to ring the bank about it. Apparently, they don’t care if the Birthday message is spelled wrong.
Continue ReadingI told my wife that I was …
I told my wife that I was going to take her out for an anniversary meal tonight and she said, “What, McDonald’s?” I couldn’t believe she thinks I’m so cheap. We’re going to Burger King.
Continue ReadingI Forgot my gloves. Now I …
I Forgot my gloves. Now I gotta walk around like I’m devising an evil plan.
Continue ReadingThis has to be the coldes …
This has to be the coldest November in twelve months…
Continue ReadingI take my clothes to the …
I take my clothes to the dry cleaners If I took them to the wet cleaners I might slip over
Continue ReadingI bought some dog biscuit …
I bought some dog biscuits yesterday. Labrador flavour.
Continue ReadingI get very excited and tu …
I get very excited and turned on by women in boots. Which is why I’m banned, and now I have to buy all my toiletries in Superdrug.
Continue ReadingThe trouble with all day …
The trouble with all day breakfast is you have to eat it so slowly.
Continue ReadingYou know you’re lazy when …
You know you’re lazy when you get excited about cancelled plans.
Continue ReadingWent to Mc Donalds today …
Went to Mc Donalds today and had one of their 1955 burgers. Only another 1954 to go
Continue ReadingI think this girl at work …
I think this girl at work has a thing for me. A restraining order.
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