Me and my mate played a g …
Me and my mate played a game of Russian Roulette last night, but instead of using a gun we used a tool-box. I hammered him.
Continue ReadingThe boss sacked me today. …
The boss sacked me today. He found out I was continually making jokes in the office about his fat wife. He said, “There was absolutely no excuse for such behaviour”. I must admit, he had me over a barrel.
Continue ReadingToday I woke up with this …
Today I woke up with this overwhelming feeling to go to work and have a really productive day. I forced myself back to bed and thank God it went away.
Continue ReadingDaily Mail: “Mr Average s …
Daily Mail: “Mr Average spends 10,585 hours of his life in the pub” Mrs Average has left a note telling him his dinner is in the dog
Continue ReadingMy mate recently asked me …
My mate recently asked me if i wanted to expand my current business of safe nature habitats for animals into something more profitable. I told him i wasn’t sure of his business plans, i had my reservations.
Continue ReadingBroken yacht, not for res …
Broken yacht, not for resale.
Continue ReadingThe Special Needs disco w …
The Special Needs disco was awkward at first. But by the end, everyone was getting Downs.
Continue ReadingPowdered foods just aren’ …
Powdered foods just aren’t my Cup a soup
Continue ReadingThe Beach Boys walk into …
The Beach Boys walk into a bar “Round?” “Round?” “Get a round” “I get a round?” “Get a round….”
Continue ReadingMy mate Dominic was shot …
My mate Dominic was shot dead while waiting outside an Indian Takeaway last night. I was shocked when I found out. I thought “Why him? He hasn’t done anything to anyone.” “Why would anyone want to pop a dom?”
Continue ReadingI’ve just asked the wife …
I’ve just asked the wife what she wants for her birthday tomorrow and she replied, “To not have any more birthdays!” Her present’s going to be murder!
Continue ReadingI always thought it was a …
I always thought it was a shame that Marks and Spencers didn’t decide to call themselves Spencers and Marks the adverts would have been a lot better
Continue ReadingI’ve been doing lots of w …
I’ve been doing lots of work on the effects of smoking on monkeys The sole conclusion I’ve drawn is that they look cooler than the none smoking monkeys.
Continue ReadingWhilst drunk last night, …
Whilst drunk last night, I somehow ended up in a huge warehouse full of Sister Sledge CDs and couldn’t find my way out. Feel a bit silly now… …for getting lost in music.
Continue ReadingLocal girl Joanna Mow lea …
Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday… Your middle name wouldn’t be Ronny would it Jo?
Continue Reading