After scooping 32m on the …
After scooping 32m on the Euro millions the courts ordered me to by my ex-wife her own Island. She is going to be well chuffed, I bought her one off the council, it’s down by Tesco.
Continue ReadingI went to the library tod …
I went to the library today to return a book on abortions. The librarian told me to ‘just dump it in that bin over there.’
Continue ReadingI was on the bus then I s …
I was on the bus then I saw a sign on it saying, “Up to 1000 reward for information on anyone vandalising this bus”. So I ripped the chairs apart then gave the driver my details.
Continue ReadingI heard Chelsea are after …
I heard Chelsea are after a new goalkeeper… That Togo Goalkeeper seems a good choice as he is a good shot stopper.
Continue ReadingJokes on Sickipedia are l …
Jokes on Sickipedia are like your average steak. They’re neither rare nor well done.
Continue ReadingI’ve heard NASA has final …
I’ve heard NASA has finally pioneered a probe which can get into Venus without sustaining any damage. Making one for Serena though, that’s a whole other ball-game.
Continue Reading“I’ve got two words for y …
“I’ve got two words for you” “I can’t count”
Continue ReadingOur stock is too low to t …
Our stock is too low to trade-off, My friends are about to get laid off And the future looks grim For those ever so dim To invest all their money with Madoff.
Continue ReadingWhere does the bad light …
Where does the bad light end up?
Continue ReadingI did everything I could …
I did everything I could to get the part of Jack in the panto, as I’d heard the beanstalk was being played by Cheryl Cole
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought a new af …
I’ve just bought a new aftershave called ‘STALKER’ for men. It’s very much like ‘OBSESSION’, but a bit stronger.
Continue ReadingI force my dog to watch a …
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
Continue ReadingWhat does it say on the s …
What does it say on the sign above the entrance to Weston-super-Mare pier? “Embers Only”
Continue ReadingDeep Purple UK tour … W …
Deep Purple UK tour … Why on earth would anyone want to follow my wife’s vibrators around the country ?
Continue ReadingAfter my girlfriend left …
After my girlfriend left me, my friends wondered how I would cope. It seems I’m holding my own.
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