I went to a zoo recently …
I went to a zoo recently and was horrified that the creatures on show were treated no better than animals
Continue ReadingWent to my local night cl …
Went to my local night club and threw a football at some people on the dance floor, it kicked right off
Continue ReadingA wife of 40 should be li …
A wife of 40 should be like money. You should be able to change her for two of 20.
Continue ReadingAs my wife opened her Val …
As my wife opened her Valentines gifts of, self raising and plain flour. She asked, “Must I always spell things out to you?”
Continue ReadingI’ve been asked to design …
I’ve been asked to design the world’s biggest maze. I don’t think I can get out of it.
Continue ReadingI walked into a job inter …
I walked into a job interview wearing a gimp suit this morning. “Why are you dressed like that?” asked the shocked woman. I said, “This is how I’m always dressed, it makes me feel comfortable.” “Right” she said, “I think this interview is over.” “Over?” I complained, “Why?” She said, “I’d rather look for a […]
Continue ReadingI was extremely shocked w …
I was extremely shocked when I heard about Sickipedia’s shameful mention in the Guinness Book of World Records. I didn’t even know there was a record for “Highest Database Latency”.
Continue ReadingI think Fajita’s get a ba …
I think Fajita’s get a bad wrap these days
Continue ReadingAfter my trip to Spain I …
After my trip to Spain I can safely say I’m now a member of the mile high club. On a short trip from one town to another, I hot boxed the tram.
Continue Reading“Got any nuts?” Barmaid r …
“Got any nuts?” Barmaid replied “Yes.” I said “I could tell by the size of your hands.”
Continue ReadingI pleaded with the cash-p …
I pleaded with the cash-point to return my card after it swallowed it. But it was like talking to a brick wall.
Continue ReadingGot my new girlfriend a s …
Got my new girlfriend a sterling silver bath for her birthday. Turns out she’s more into golden showers.
Continue ReadingMuslim life is like a bow …
Muslim life is like a bowl of cherries. Pop them, then stone them. Ayatollah.
Continue ReadingAs a farmer, I really hat …
As a farmer, I really hate people who steal my animals. They really get my goat.
Continue ReadingPetrol prices may be high …
Petrol prices may be higher than ever, but don’t believe people who tell you that diesel is cheaper. I tried it, and it cost six hundred quid to have it drained from my engine again.
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