You know you’re lonely wh …
You know you’re lonely when you create fake Facebook accounts just to add them as friends…
Continue ReadingI sacrificed one of my Ki …
I sacrificed one of my Kidney’s for my wife. I’ve had to drink everyday to numb the pain of being married to her.
Continue ReadingI thought about investing …
I thought about investing some cash in a burlesque group but my mate told me not to because it’s a risque business
Continue ReadingI asked the bartender for …
I asked the bartender for something cold and filled with rum. So he recommended his wife.
Continue ReadingI was trying to sell my d …
I was trying to sell my digital camera online when someone asked me to upload a picture of it How?!
Continue ReadingI’ve had enough and resig …
I’ve had enough and resigning from my job as a seaside photoboard tester. It’s all about whether or not your face fits.
Continue ReadingHermaphrodites – The only …
Hermaphrodites – The only real single parents.
Continue ReadingI’ll get your coat, you’v …
I’ll get your coat, you’ve pulled a gentleman.
Continue ReadingIf you are bored on a pla …
If you are bored on a plane, try pressing your face against the window, pumping your arms in a running motion and bouncing on the seat to simulate running on the clouds. Don’t do it whilst on the runway though, or it’ll look like somebizarre attempt to escape the plane through osmosis.
Continue Reading“Daddy, can I wear my pri …
“Daddy, can I wear my princess costume to school today?” asked my daughter. “No, sorry darling,” I replied, trying to get her into the car. “But Daddy, I really want to wear it!” “No,” I insisted. “But…..” “Look, you know the rules,” I said. “It’s my turn to wear it.”
Continue ReadingWhy do fat, ugly, hairy w …
Why do fat, ugly, hairy women take advantage of innocent, drunk men?
Continue ReadingI’ve used up all my sick …
I’ve used up all my sick days at work, guess I’m gonna resort to plan B and phone in dead.
Continue ReadingThe Welsh mining industry …
The Welsh mining industry looks set for a come-back…… Apparently they’ve found some copper in Snowdonia.
Continue ReadingI berated a member of sta …
I berated a member of staff at McDonalds “You’ve charged me 40 quid for this meal when it says 3.99 on the menu”. “Yes, it’s the Olympic Special” he explained.
Continue ReadingIf you sleep with a dead …
If you sleep with a dead black girl, is it Negrophelia?
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