I woke up this morning pe …
I woke up this morning penniless. Penny left me.
Continue ReadingIt’s so hot I just saw a …
It’s so hot I just saw a bird pick up a worm with an oven glove!!
Continue ReadingI trapped off with this o …
I trapped off with this old bird last night at the club, who said she owned a new Penthouse. Imagine my disappointment when we arrived back at her place, to find it was the exact same copy I’ve already got.
Continue ReadingI just threw a frying pan …
I just threw a frying pan for my dog, but he wouldn’t fetch. Then I realised. It’s non-stick.
Continue ReadingApparently Impotence is o …
Apparently Impotence is on the rise.
Continue ReadingI love the three types of …
I love the three types of radiation. I like alpha and gamma but I prefer the other type, I think it’s beta.
Continue ReadingMy wife left me because I …
My wife left me because I find absolutely everything ironic. Now surely that is ironic?
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between the Solar System and Lilly Allen? The Solar System has a sun
Continue ReadingDon’t bother sending your …
Don’t bother sending your children’s toys to Africa. Can you imagine how depressing it must be for those kids to receive a Tamagotchi that’s going to outlive them?
Continue ReadingWhat do you get when you …
What do you get when you cross a Greek with an Indian? Popadopadopadoms.
Continue ReadingI asked for chicken drumm …
I asked for chicken drummers, and I was given pieces of chicken in breadcrumbs? Where are the feathery musicians I requested?
Continue ReadingIn his book, Tony Blair s …
In his book, Tony Blair says he would make love to his wife upto 5 times a night. And there was me thinking the decision to go into Iraq was a difficult one
Continue ReadingMy Dad once said to me “I …
My Dad once said to me “It’s the things you love which make you what you are” I guess that makes me a big breasted blonde girl I replied.
Continue ReadingMy mate thinks his new pr …
My mate thinks his new private jet looks great. I think it’s a little plane
Continue ReadingJust found out my wife ha …
Just found out my wife has had collagen implants, she’s been pretty tight lipped about that..
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