To say all Audi and Merce …
To say all Audi and Mercedes are so expensive, none of them come with indicators as standard.
Continue ReadingI just got the highest sc …
I just got the highest scores the test examiner ever saw. Not exactly what you want to hear at the S.T.I. Clinic…..
Continue ReadingI was reading the nutriti …
I was reading the nutritional information on a pack of American oranges. It said “Fat = 0mg”. No wonder they’re all obese.
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I’m getting no sleep living next to the Slazenger factory. Such a racket.
Continue ReadingJust spent a day with the …
Just spent a day with the wife and kids, I managed to get some work done around the house too. In fact I even had a chance to sit down for a romantic meal with the wife! I think I speak for most men when I say this… Please Sickipedia, Never-Ever leave me again
Continue ReadingPEOPLE whose surname is T …
PEOPLE whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty ‘Toblerone’ chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name plaque for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job
Continue ReadingRoses are red, Violets ar …
Roses are red, Violets are blue, My pen’s running out, But I still lov
Continue ReadingI’m having a bit of a par …
I’m having a bit of a party tonight, as I’ve just turned 50. Apparently it’s an all time record for converting people to Jehovah Witnesses.
Continue ReadingI tied the knot with a be …
I tied the knot with a beautiful young woman yesterday. Pity I’m an executioner.
Continue ReadingGod came to me last night …
God came to me last night, he said, “You may ask one question my child and I shall give you the answer.” Of course overly excited I asked, “What colour does a Smurf go if you strangle it?”
Continue ReadingI’ve just heard that B&Q …
I’ve just heard that B&Q are going to buy out a now defunct arts and crafts shop. That’ll be a spanner in the works.
Continue ReadingI think someone needs to …
I think someone needs to go into the library and ask for a book on lowering database latency…
Continue ReadingI heard, that in a surviv …
I heard, that in a survival situation if there is no water available, you can drink your own urine. So I always take a two litre bottle of it wherever I go just in case.
Continue ReadingMy New Years resolution w …
My New Years resolution went up in smoke last night. Why’s it so hard to stop being an arsonist?
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a fly in …
What do you call a fly in striped pajamas? A wanna bee.
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