We used to have a chocola …
We used to have a chocolate Labrador. One day, it licked itself and died.
Continue ReadingI ended up joining Facebo …
I ended up joining Facebook. I figured if it can get Rage Against The Machine to number 1 surely it can get me laid.
Continue ReadingI was in the newsagents w …
I was in the newsagents when the guy behind the counter shouted, “This isn’t a library!” “Sorry mate” I replied, packing up my books, laptop and work.
Continue ReadingA comedian friend of mine …
A comedian friend of mine insists on visiting Thailand once a year to let off steam and focus on the essence of comedy. To him, Thai minge is everything.
Continue ReadingI’ve had to stop collecti …
I’ve had to stop collecting packs of cards. I’ve got a full house.
Continue ReadingJust stolen a Mercedes fr …
Just stolen a Mercedes from the Man City players car park. The registration is VIN 1 so I’m guessing it’s a Kompany car.
Continue ReadingDid you know that in the …
Did you know that in the UK there is an entire TV channel devoted to hair-dressing? It’s good; I’ve seen the highlights.
Continue ReadingGordon Brown is worried b …
Gordon Brown is worried because in recent elections he hasn’t had many votes, maybe he should post an anti-American joke on sickipedia, that seems to work for everyone on here.
Continue Reading“I don’t know why you alw …
“I don’t know why you always say I’m such a bad driver,” said my wife. “Everywhere I went today I had loads of men shouting ‘WOW’ as I drove past.” “Sorry love,” I explained patiently, “that wasn’t admiration: it was a warning. It stands for ‘Woman On Wheels’”.
Continue Reading“Not everything on the in …
“Not everything on the internet is true…” Wait, so you mean there’s not beautiful singles in my area dying to meet me?
Continue Reading“Child portable car-seat” …
“Child portable car-seat” Google Suggestions’ last ditch effort to save your soul
Continue ReadingSomeone keeps adding soil …
Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It’s an absolute mystery as to why though. The plot thickens…
Continue ReadingWhat happens if you take …
What happens if you take a metal detector through another, bigger metal detector? Do they cancel each other out or does the universe just collapse on itself as they are two unities that shouldn’t ever touch
Continue ReadingI was taking part in a qu …
I was taking part in a quiz, on the final question I was asked, “For 10,000 name 5 popular idioms.” I said, “Oh dear, I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew, I’m not going to beat around the bush, I don’t know what an idiom is. I could have a […]
Continue ReadingTwo goats were behind a H …
Two goats were behind a Hollywood studio eating an old movie reel. One goat said to the other: “Pretty good, huh?” The second goat replied: “Yeah, but not as good as the book.”
Continue Reading