I happened to be at a petting zoo recently. This girl puts down her bag to tie her shoelace. Perfect opportunity. I dashed over, grabbed the bag, jumped over a picket fence, through two paddocks but unfortunately tripped over a gathering of young goats, hitting my head and was apprehended. I would have got away […]
Continue ReadingMy boss called me in to his office the other day “you wanted to see me boss?” I said “thats right” he replied, “your productivity levels are slipping, you need to seriously increase your volume otherwise I may have to let you go” I replied “FAIR ENOUGH BOSS, BUT HOW’S THIS GOING TO HELP MY […]
Continue ReadingHave you seen the new TV show that’s being made? It’s a cop drama about a long chain of glucose molecules and the waste product from grain. It’s called ‘Starchsky & Husk’.
Continue ReadingYesterday, my mate said he could control people’s minds. I said “Don’t make me laugh.”
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference between my wife and my Playstation? My Playstation is turned on most evenings.
Continue ReadingWell, if i had to describe one fault of mine, it is that I have a habit of taking my work home with me. I’m starting to think that it is probably the reason why I lost my last job at the creche.
Continue ReadingMy wife hates the fact I keep suggesting she’s abit of a Gorilla… She went Bananas right before things got hairy.
Continue ReadingI stood up a lap dancer the other day. She said, “Hey! This isn’t part of my job description!”
Continue Reading”Anyone got any jokes about salt?” ”Na”
Continue ReadingIsnt It Ironic How Trojan Condoms are the Best Brand of condoms…. Yet in reality The Trojans walls were breached by Able Seamen
Continue ReadingI don’t understand my local Tattoo parlour’s new promotional sign – ‘Ear Piercing While You Wait’. To be fair, I’d rather just nip off to HMV while they get on with it.
Continue ReadingMan walks into a library and says “Hi im looking for a book on how to stop people interu…” Librarian “Its over there”
Continue ReadingI asked my road sweeper mate how things are with him since he’s been a bit down on his luck. He said “Picking up”.
Continue ReadingJust been to watch a swimming gala Craziest thing I ever did see – an apple doing the backstroke
Continue ReadingI hate working in a posh school. Roll call is the worst. “Tarquin” “Sir” “Wilton” “Sir” “Emency” “Sir” “Tarquin Wilton Emency Phillips Boucher! Please stop interrupting me!”
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