I lost a Hand to a Crocod …
I lost a Hand to a Crocodile, With its beady eyes, it had a formiddible poker face.
Continue ReadingI asked the waiter for a …
I asked the waiter for a rare steak. When it arrived I said “I asked for rare, this is well done!” “Thank you” he replied “The chef usually overcooks them”.
Continue ReadingJust spent ages waxing th …
Just spent ages waxing the car. Still not sure how it gets that hairy.
Continue ReadingI can’t remember ever get …
I can’t remember ever getting nits as a kid, although I do have a lousy memory.
Continue ReadingI dropped an egg on a con …
I dropped an egg on a concrete floor and it didn’t even crack. I think this is because concrete is hard and not easily damaged.
Continue ReadingThe BBC is bringing out a …
The BBC is bringing out a new series of One Man and His Dog but it’s only gonna be for the Welsh viewers… It’s called “One Man and His Pimp.”
Continue ReadingConscience – this silent …
Conscience – this silent voice, that tells you somebody could see you…
Continue ReadingNewquay, coming down hard …
Newquay, coming down hard on underage drinkers since 2009.
Continue Reading15.99 for a T-Shirt? Now …
15.99 for a T-Shirt? Now there’s a joke.
Continue ReadingI dropped some spam durin …
I dropped some spam during a BBQ in my garden, onto the path. So, I flagged it.
Continue ReadingI’ve just got sacked from …
I’ve just got sacked from my latest job as a teacher today, didn’t even last a day Apparently, Physical Education isn’t what I thought it was.
Continue ReadingMy wife was furious that …
My wife was furious that I caught her swimming naked last night. Apparently I shouldn’t use my fishing net in the pool.
Continue Readinghead boy is a prestigous …
head boy is a prestigous award given to gifted students, head girl is an order.
Continue ReadingI went to a Library today …
I went to a Library today and asked for a book about Funk Music that was on a high shelf but then decided I didn’t really want it. The librarian had to step right on up, brought it right on down but had to take it right on back up to the top.
Continue ReadingSurfing the internet with …
Surfing the internet without a decent antivirus is like walking through a black neighbourhood wearing a Klan mask. Believe me, I tried both.
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