How anyone finds Jordan a …
How anyone finds Jordan attractive, is beyond me. The place is just a giant desert, crawling with Arabs.
Continue ReadingAOL News: Earthquake shak …
AOL News: Earthquake shakes England’s south coast Witness: “It felt as if a big lorry had gone by in a hurry, except we don’t have lorries go through here.” How would he know then?
Continue ReadingThe wife’s just been in t …
The wife’s just been in to get her face lifted. Judging by the result she might have been better getting her body lowered.
Continue ReadingMy mum’s ran off with a b …
My mum’s ran off with a black man! It’s Linford Christie. She’ll never keep up.
Continue ReadingI keep trying to think of …
I keep trying to think of jokes about anorexic thieves….but it’s slim pickings.
Continue ReadingElizabeth Duke jewellery: …
Elizabeth Duke jewellery: For the woman you DON’T love…
Continue ReadingSky News: ‘Boy found dead …
Sky News: ‘Boy found dead in a tumble dryer’ At least Washing Machines live longer with Carl Gone
Continue ReadingMy wife said to me ” I lo …
My wife said to me ” I love you more than words can say” “Im sure words-can-say is devasted” I muttered back…
Continue ReadingI’m such a convincing guy …
I’m such a convincing guy, that I was actually able to sell ice to an Eskimo. Besides, I always regretted naming my kid ice.
Continue ReadingThey told Farrah Fawcett …
They told Farrah Fawcett to take up golf. Because one bad hole won’t kill you.
Continue ReadingSmarties are launching sp …
Smarties are launching special edition packs this Summer to commemorate the 5th anniversary of the 7/7 train bombings. There’s a ‘black one’ in every tube.
Continue ReadingI went round to Matthew C …
I went round to Matthew Corbett’s house for dinner yesterday. We had a sweepsteak.
Continue ReadingTop Tip #87 Freezing worm …
Top Tip #87 Freezing worms makes them easier to sharpen.
Continue ReadingNone of my mate’s underst …
None of my mate’s understand Venn diagrams, but my girlfriend and all her mate’s do. We move in very different circles.
Continue ReadingI was down the police sta …
I was down the police station the other day, hands cuffed behind my back while I was being questioned. Surprisingly, one of the officers was kind enough to bring me some tea and a biscuit. I didn’t know how to take it.
Continue Reading