“Good things come to thos …
“Good things come to those who wait” Unless what you’re waiting for, is customer service.
Continue ReadingToday I had to cancel my …
Today I had to cancel my trip to India It was a no Goa.
Continue ReadingSo let me get this right. …
So let me get this right. I can start prowling the park an hour earlier this evening?
Continue ReadingNow matter how much you p …
Now matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
Continue ReadingI’ve developed a new bree …
I’ve developed a new breed of cow that is only divisible by itself and one. I’m going to sell it as prime cuts of beef.
Continue ReadingWhats the difference betw …
Whats the difference between a wolf an a flea? One howls on the prairie, the other prowls on the hairy.
Continue ReadingMy psychiatrist told me I …
My psychiatrist told me I have delusions of grandeur. Which is strange because the Queen herself once told me the same thing.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend just joined …
My girlfriend just joined the group “I miss being a little kid”… Me too, she’d be much more attractive.
Continue ReadingMy doctor told me that I …
My doctor told me that I need to lose about 7 pounds. So he gave me a prescription.
Continue ReadingI stayed in a hotel acros …
I stayed in a hotel across the road from an abattoir once. My view was offal… just offal.
Continue ReadingI was having a discussion …
I was having a discussion with a man in the pub who had his child with him, things got a bit heated, and he said “Why don’t you just Foxtrot Oscar?” Which is strange as I cant dance, and my name isn’t Oscar.
Continue ReadingSomeone told me that “spo …
Someone told me that “spooning leads to forking” Personaly, I like to do some kniving inbetween.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend was having …
My girlfriend was having a go about my womanizing. She said “for the love of all that is holy, why can’t you keep it in your pants?” I couldn’t help but mention that it was my love of things with holes that started the argument in the first place.
Continue ReadingThis joke doesn’t really …
This joke doesn’t really have a terrible rating. It’s just every time it gets to 70, I go prestige.
Continue ReadingI just bought a 750ml bot …
I just bought a 750ml bottle of Domestos lemon but it just tastes like normal Domestos to me
Continue Reading