“Petrol’s gone up again.” …
“Petrol’s gone up again.” I said to my wife. As I extinguished my cigarette and quickly reversed away from the fiery remains of the ‘Tesco’ service station.
Continue ReadingLast night my wife said I …
Last night my wife said I never went down on her So I drooled all over her.
Continue ReadingI remember when I was kid …
I remember when I was kidnapped when I was a child, my parents snapped into action. They rented my room out.
Continue ReadingA doctor called in his ne …
A doctor called in his next patient. This was an Italian immigrant and he always had problems making him understand. The man walked in and proudly put a model of Buzz Lightyear on the table. “I’m sorry? What’s this for?” “You tell me bring specimen.”
Continue ReadingI tried making a couple o …
I tried making a couple of quick bucks today. It cost me my job when the other scientists caught me injecting the laboratory rabbits with steroids.
Continue ReadingMy wife told me I’m a ter …
My wife told me I’m a terrible Father. She said I really need to pull my finger out Of our son.
Continue ReadingThe emblem for the New Ze …
The emblem for the New Zealand Airforce is a kiwi bird in a circle. Well done New Zealand, your emblem for the airforce is a flightless bird.
Continue ReadingWhat makes an apple so cr …
What makes an apple so crunchy? The screen.
Continue ReadingNo matter how much money …
No matter how much money you give a homeless person for tea, you never actually get that tea.
Continue ReadingMy wife left me because I …
My wife left me because I have no sense of direction. I’m quite glad really because if we had stayed together I would have probably buried her six foot sideways.
Continue ReadingI bought some really chea …
I bought some really cheap, basic toilet roll the other day – but it does exactly what a toilet needs. It was bog standard.
Continue ReadingMy wife said that our wed …
My wife said that our wedding was the happiest day of her life. Mine too; One of my jokes scored 300 points that day.
Continue ReadingMy mates reckon my steroi …
My mates reckon my steroid use has no advantages. I disagree strongly.
Continue Readinghave you heard about the …
have you heard about the American Vegan ? nope, me nethier
Continue Readingthe prices of high heels …
the prices of high heels are going through the roof
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