I was driving down the mo …
I was driving down the motorway the other day and saw one of those ‘Tiredness can kill, Take a break’ signs. Steady on Kit Kat… what’s with the public death threats?
Continue ReadingI was in the club last ni …
I was in the club last night when I saw the bouncer walk out the back door. Well, to be fair it was causing some trouble…
Continue ReadingApparently a fifth of dis …
Apparently a fifth of disabled adults say the paralympics are patronising. Ah bless.
Continue ReadingThe time when the suffrag …
The time when the suffragettes were campaigning for the vote was the only time many women stuck to their diets.
Continue ReadingMy wife just called to sa …
My wife just called to say she’s in Mayfair. I said. ” Are you shopping?” She said.” No, page 67, Readers Wives.”
Continue ReadingI’ve tweeted all the peop …
I’ve tweeted all the people with super-injunctions. My pwactice is on Harley Stweet.
Continue ReadingI wanted to join the nudi …
I wanted to join the nudist camp in December, but they were clothed for Winter.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Motorcyclist hi …
BBC News: Motorcyclist hit by swan. He should have ducked.
Continue ReadingI was interviewed for a j …
I was interviewed for a job at McDonald’s and the the woman asked me what position I was aiming for. “You can take your pick from the karma sutra if you hire me ,” I replied.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she is worri …
My wife said she is worried about the dreams she keeps having where she turns into a nuclear rod that’s gone dry. I think she’s overreacting.
Continue ReadingI bought a pack of walker …
I bought a pack of walkers today. I was disgusted to find some sort of chargrilled potato right at the very bottom.
Continue ReadingPolice are looking for th …
Police are looking for the owner of stolen prosthetic leg. They’re asking anyone with information to step forward.
Continue Reading“Either-or,” said the con …
“Either-or,” said the confused donkey.
Continue ReadingA bartender drowned in a …
A bartender drowned in a tidal wave of tonic water after a case exploded, he was schwepped away.
Continue ReadingLite: the new way to spel …
Lite: the new way to spell “Light,” now with 20% fewer letters!
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