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Why don’t they give out t …

January 10qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Why don’t they give out t …

Why don’t they give out toilet roll in KFC? Beacuse is finger lickin’ good!

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I must have forgotten the …

January 10January 1qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I must have forgotten the …

I must have forgotten the meaning of one-night-stand… My feet are killing me.

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I can’t believe Pretzels …

January 10January 1qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I can’t believe Pretzels …

I can’t believe Pretzels are knot bread.

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For her birthday I took m …

January 10qjoq.comLeave a Comment on For her birthday I took m …

For her birthday I took my lesbian friend to a lapdancing club, where I paid for 20 female dancers to rub their privates all over her body. She was well chuffed.

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Today, my girlfriend made …

January 10qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Today, my girlfriend made …

Today, my girlfriend made a great sandwich. And there was enough of her left over to make a curry afterwards.

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If you are addicted to me …

January 10qjoq.comLeave a Comment on If you are addicted to me …

If you are addicted to meths. Then you are either an alcoholic or a South African who really likes numbers.

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‘Give just 2 pounds a mon …

January 10qjoq.comLeave a Comment on ‘Give just 2 pounds a mon …

‘Give just 2 pounds a month and feed a family in Africa.’ I ask you, If we’re all God’s children, then surely we are all one big family, which includes me, meaning that I’m giving 2 pounds to myself. I think I’ll make it a grand and buy that motorbike I’ve had my eye on […]

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A friend got into my car …

January 9qjoq.comLeave a Comment on A friend got into my car …

A friend got into my car today. “Come on mate” I said, “you know the rules. Put it on.” “I don’t want to” he replied, “it’s uncomfortable.” “That’s not the point.” “Fine!” he shouted, putting on the leather Co-pilots hat.

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I wonder how many unread …

January 9qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I wonder how many unread …

I wonder how many unread messages Madeleine McCann has?

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My kids are right whinger …

January 9qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My kids are right whinger …

My kids are right whingers, today I was in the back garden just trying to play a bit of footie with them but all they did was cry every time I got possession, I got so angry at one point I volleyed the ball right over the fence, which I felt a bit bad about […]

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For Sale: Grandfather clo …

January 9qjoq.comLeave a Comment on For Sale: Grandfather clo …

For Sale: Grandfather clock – only one part missing. Second hand.

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I was telling a lad at ru …

January 9qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I was telling a lad at ru …

I was telling a lad at rugby training that I’d given up learning to be a ventriloquist. Then I sold him a dummy.

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Last night I saw some blo …

January 9qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Last night I saw some blo …

Last night I saw some bloke tie his dog to a post outside our local newsagents. For a laugh, I thought it would be funny to swap his dog for a pink fluffy teddy. You should’ve seen his face, he absolutely shat himself. But not as much as my daughter, who woke up this morning […]

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Merry Christmas everyone. …

January 9qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Merry Christmas everyone. …

Merry Christmas everyone. And to think, 2010 years ago today… nothing happened.

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After his wedding ceremon …

January 9qjoq.comLeave a Comment on After his wedding ceremon …

After his wedding ceremony, my mate came up to me and said, “Your Best Man speech was a joke!” I said, “I know, are you only getting it now?”

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