Why don’t they give out t …
Why don’t they give out toilet roll in KFC? Beacuse is finger lickin’ good!
Continue ReadingWhy don’t they give out toilet roll in KFC? Beacuse is finger lickin’ good!
Continue ReadingI must have forgotten the meaning of one-night-stand… My feet are killing me.
Continue ReadingI can’t believe Pretzels are knot bread.
Continue ReadingFor her birthday I took my lesbian friend to a lapdancing club, where I paid for 20 female dancers to rub their privates all over her body. She was well chuffed.
Continue ReadingToday, my girlfriend made a great sandwich. And there was enough of her left over to make a curry afterwards.
Continue ReadingIf you are addicted to meths. Then you are either an alcoholic or a South African who really likes numbers.
Continue Reading‘Give just 2 pounds a month and feed a family in Africa.’ I ask you, If we’re all God’s children, then surely we are all one big family, which includes me, meaning that I’m giving 2 pounds to myself. I think I’ll make it a grand and buy that motorbike I’ve had my eye on […]
Continue ReadingA friend got into my car today. “Come on mate” I said, “you know the rules. Put it on.” “I don’t want to” he replied, “it’s uncomfortable.” “That’s not the point.” “Fine!” he shouted, putting on the leather Co-pilots hat.
Continue ReadingI wonder how many unread messages Madeleine McCann has?
Continue ReadingMy kids are right whingers, today I was in the back garden just trying to play a bit of footie with them but all they did was cry every time I got possession, I got so angry at one point I volleyed the ball right over the fence, which I felt a bit bad about […]
Continue ReadingFor Sale: Grandfather clock – only one part missing. Second hand.
Continue ReadingI was telling a lad at rugby training that I’d given up learning to be a ventriloquist. Then I sold him a dummy.
Continue ReadingLast night I saw some bloke tie his dog to a post outside our local newsagents. For a laugh, I thought it would be funny to swap his dog for a pink fluffy teddy. You should’ve seen his face, he absolutely shat himself. But not as much as my daughter, who woke up this morning […]
Continue ReadingMerry Christmas everyone. And to think, 2010 years ago today… nothing happened.
Continue ReadingAfter his wedding ceremony, my mate came up to me and said, “Your Best Man speech was a joke!” I said, “I know, are you only getting it now?”
Continue Reading