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I must have forgotten the meaning of one-night-stand… My feet are killing me.

I can’t believe Pretzels are knot bread.

Today, my girlfriend made a great sandwich. And there was enough of her left over to make a curry afterwards.

If you are addicted to meths. Then you are either an alcoholic or a South African who really likes numbers.

‘Give just 2 pounds a month and feed a family in Africa.’ I ask you, If we’re all God’s children, then surely we are all one big family, which includes me, meaning that I’m giving 2 pounds to myself. I think I’ll make it a grand and buy that motorbike I’ve had my eye on […]

For Sale: Grandfather clock – only one part missing. Second hand.

I was telling a lad at rugby training that I’d given up learning to be a ventriloquist. Then I sold him a dummy.