Every woman I meet runs a …
Every woman I meet runs a mile. I really need to get out of being the womens 1500m starter.
Continue ReadingI went to the comic relie …
I went to the comic relief last night, and after realising this was a once in a life time opportunity i reached over, put my hands down and stroked the red carpet a couple of times. I don’t think Ann Robinson was too pleased though.
Continue ReadingI’m cooking pasta. When t …
I’m cooking pasta. When the herbs go in is just a matter of thyme.
Continue ReadingSpecial offers mean a gre …
Special offers mean a great deal to me.
Continue ReadingI took a girl out on a da …
I took a girl out on a date to a restaurant last night. At the end of the meal, the waiter brought over the bill. As I went to pay, the girl said she wanted to pay half. I told her it was fine for me to pay but she insisted and said she wouldn’t […]
Continue ReadingThings like ‘Better late …
Things like ‘Better late than never’ are sometimes better left unsaid. Imagine the look on the poor kids face when you coin that phrase at an Ethiopian buffet.
Continue ReadingMy wife says that we have …
My wife says that we have ‘communication problems’ and that we never get to talk properly.. I said.. “you are completely overreacting as we always get to talk to eachother”…… then she went offline.
Continue ReadingAfter 12 years of therapy …
After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.. He said, “No hablo ingles.”
Continue ReadingThis makes no sense – yes …
This makes no sense – yesterday my calculator was working fine, today it isn’t working at all. It just doesn’t add up.
Continue ReadingI do not have an OCD over …
I do not have an OCD over tidiness. I just wanted to clear that up.
Continue ReadingI was touched by my Grand …
I was touched by my Granddad when I was a little boy. His tear jerking tales of world war two were simply heartbreaking.
Continue ReadingI was climbing the stairs …
I was climbing the stairs earlier when I thought to myself. . . ‘Why dont I just walk up them like I usually do’
Continue Reading“You wouldn’t like me whe …
“You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry… I throw fits, slam doors and shut myself away in my bedroom” – The Incredible Sulk
Continue ReadingSome geek asked me up to …
Some geek asked me up to where I could recite pi, so I gave him two digits. One on each hand.
Continue ReadingI’ve recently started a n …
I’ve recently started a new job in middle management. I’m a dietician.
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