I do have initiative, I j …
I do have initiative, I just need to be told when to use it.
Continue ReadingBeing on the dole definit …
Being on the dole definitely has its benefits.
Continue ReadingAnyone who says they don’ …
Anyone who says they don’t make fun of a muslim’s eating habits are telling Porkies.
Continue ReadingThe doctor at the abortio …
The doctor at the abortion clinic explained how they carry out a procedure that uses an electrical vacuum to suck out the foetus and the placenta. I guess it must be a Dyson.
Continue ReadingMy wifes motto is “It’s n …
My wifes motto is “It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean” Which might be why her luxury cruise liner business failed.
Continue ReadingI taught my mate how to w …
I taught my mate how to win a coin toss the other day, Gave him the heads-up
Continue ReadingI felt quite abandoned wh …
I felt quite abandoned when my father never visited me in prison. He kept using the same old excuse, “I can’t visit you today son, I’m in prison.”
Continue ReadingI tried to read a book to …
I tried to read a book today on the history of sellotape. But I couldn’t find the beginning.
Continue ReadingIf you think you’re becom …
If you think you’re becoming a hypochondriac, should you go and see your Doctor about it ?
Continue ReadingI’ve had to make a lot of …
I’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices to become ruler of the Aztecs.
Continue ReadingI fancy a nice bit of rab …
I fancy a nice bit of rabbit for my tea tonight. Could any of you tell me whether it’s cheaper from a butchers or a pet shop?
Continue ReadingMy 18 month old son has d …
My 18 month old son has discovered the joys of chocolate but can only call it ‘coc’. Got some funny looks in the newsagents today, when he was screaming out for some and I replied to his cries, ” Son, you’re going to have to wait. I’ll give you some coc when we get home.”
Continue ReadingMy five year old son pain …
My five year old son painted his ‘Bob the Builder’ action toy black. I told him he’s ruined it, it’ll never work again.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a brothel and daycare? You use protection in a brothel.
Continue ReadingMy wife bought some beef …
My wife bought some beef to be minced for her spaghetti bolognese. “Can you do some mincing?” She asked. So I pouted my lips and used my finger to limply examine the kitchen counter for dust.
Continue Reading