Everything is funny as lo …
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Continue ReadingI used to like walking ar …
I used to like walking around insulting hobos. But I got bored because it seemed like the insults never hit home.
Continue ReadingI fear the moment that th …
I fear the moment that the world as we know it changes, the moment that makes you a different person. Your mum added you as a friend to Facebook.
Continue ReadingMy native American teleco …
My native American telecoms company went up in smoke.
Continue ReadingFrom Sky News: “Tiger han …
From Sky News: “Tiger handler mauled at celebrity dinner”. Someone needs to have a word with that guy before his career goes down the pan completely.
Continue ReadingI went into my local Indi …
I went into my local Indian restaurant, ‘10.95 eat whatever you like’. I sat down and said, “I like pizza”.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen that dirty …
I’ve just seen that dirty gypsy enter the big brother house… I hate Kerry Katona.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she’ll leave …
My wife said she’ll leave me if I don’t stop talking in code. “Perhaps I Should Say One Forbids Freedom.” I replied
Continue ReadingOutside of a dog, a book …
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Continue ReadingYou know your internet is …
You know your internet is slow when you have to play the shoot an iphone ad game while waiting for your video to buffer.
Continue ReadingMy mate has just finished …
My mate has just finished building a structure that holds water. I said, “Well done.”
Continue ReadingMy manager told me that i …
My manager told me that it was “dress down day” today, in light of Comic Relief. So I pulled Susan’s dress down.
Continue ReadingYou know when you’ve had …
You know when you’ve had a long day, you’re driving home and nothing is going your way? It’s because you’re in the wrong lane…
Continue ReadingIts not ‘Frape’, its surp …
Its not ‘Frape’, its surprise status updates.
Continue ReadingJust had some ‘Rachel’s O …
Just had some ‘Rachel’s Organic Yoghurt’ and can’t help thinking that it tastes like she used it to treat a yeast infection
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