The other day, a mate sai …
The other day, a mate said to me “I really need a program to write stuff.” I replied “Word.” He said “Glad you agree, now do you have any recommendations?”
Continue ReadingTry all you like but the …
Try all you like but the longest word in Scrabble is …. Scrabble
Continue ReadingJust opened the tub of Ur …
Just opened the tub of Uranium-235 I bought 704 million years ago to find it half empty! Absolutely disgraceful service, this is why I don’t trust eBay.
Continue ReadingMy wife got drunk on Stel …
My wife got drunk on Stella at the weekend and feels so ashamed… But I told her not to beat herself up over it
Continue ReadingWhy did the woman cross t …
Why did the woman cross the road? Because her husband had been wise enough not to let her drive.
Continue ReadingI’m going out to spend th …
I’m going out to spend the day having my photo taken kissing and hugging all the children I can find without any fear of being arrested. I love my Pudsey Bear costume.
Continue ReadingMy friend told me that no …
My friend told me that no one does a barbie better than an Australian. Ken has probably got something to say about that.
Continue Reading“Hey Dad, when Neil Patri …
“Hey Dad, when Neil Patrick Harris played Doogie Howser, what kind of doctor was he supposed to be?” ……..Not sure son, …probably a Urologist
Continue ReadingI was in a supermarket t …
I was in a supermarket the other day and I saw a man and a woman wrapped up in a barcode. I said, “Are you two an item?”
Continue ReadingI find it ironic that no …
I find it ironic that no Sheffield Wednesday fan is wise.
Continue ReadingThings are more like they …
Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before…
Continue Readingbeware!! I thought screwf …
beware!! I thought screwfix direct, was a guaranteed internet dating site. it’s NOT!!!!!
Continue ReadingAfghan girl killed by fal …
Afghan girl killed by falling propaganda leaflets. That’s what I call a letter bomb!
Continue ReadingMy wife said, “You can wi …
My wife said, “You can win free shoes for a year @shoezone.com.” I said, “That’s ok if you’re Heather Mills, I suppose.”
Continue ReadingI used to be excellent at …
I used to be excellent at foreplay, but since developing arthritis I’ve lost my touch.
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