I feel sorry for women wi …
I feel sorry for women with short hair They’re the ones who always seem to get cancer.
Continue ReadingThis guy in the pub was t …
This guy in the pub was trying to fill me in on his vast knowledge of German goalkeepers. I didn’t learn anything though, he should have explained in Lehmann terms.
Continue ReadingMy midget mate just told …
My midget mate just told me he’s going to do surgery to look like one of the seven dwarves. I said to him, “Whatever makes you Happy.”
Continue ReadingMirrors only work if you’ …
Mirrors only work if you’re looking into them. Let’s face it.
Continue ReadingI’m cooking Christmas din …
I’m cooking Christmas dinner with the wife this year. I know turkey is more traditional, but I’m sure she’ll taste alright.
Continue ReadingMy son was complaining be …
My son was complaining because his new coat wasn’t keeping him warm. I told him to zip it.
Continue ReadingTop tip; Never attempt to …
Top tip; Never attempt to operate a chainsaw whilst fairly drunk. There’s a good chance you’ll end up legless.
Continue ReadingI work with a guy called …
I work with a guy called Mick Pratt, but most people just call him Prat. They’re clearly taking the Mick out of his name.
Continue ReadingA recent study has found …
A recent study has found that it is therapeutic for women to make sandwiches. The next time your wife is upset, suggest that she makes you one.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between the Eithiopian plane crash and Michael Jackson? One makes a crash site, the other makes a site crash
Continue ReadingI was just going out when …
I was just going out when I noticed my first grey hair. I could have dyed.
Continue ReadingMe and my mate were talki …
Me and my mate were talking, then he noticed my socks. He said, “They are a strange pair of socks, one’s red with white dots and the other is blue.” I said, “I know. I’ve got another pair exactly the same back home.”
Continue ReadingNever moon a werewolf. …
Never moon a werewolf.
Continue ReadingMy mate’s just moved in w …
My mate’s just moved in with his girlfriend. How rude – I didn’t even invite them.
Continue ReadingI’ve just got a job as a …
I’ve just got a job as a Private Detective. I don’t solve crimes, just mostly keep myself to myself.
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