I love people with bad ta …
I love people with bad taste and they love me.
Continue ReadingAfter my dinner guests co …
After my dinner guests complaining my Stir Fry was a little salty, I went back to the kitchen to see where I could have gone wrong. “ahhhh” I thought that’s it as I read the recipe book, Step 4-Toss in the pan. They should really be more clear.
Continue ReadingWhich month is a Holocaus …
Which month is a Holocaust denier’s favourite? July.
Continue ReadingLatin name-Pollachius pol …
Latin name-Pollachius pollachius. They can grow over a metre in length and weigh over 20k.g From the ‘demersal’ group of fish, they are an important part of the North Atlantic fisheries. Sorry about that, I keep talking Pollocks.
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the hy …
Did you hear about the hyena who ate an oxo cube? He made a laughing stock of himself.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend likes a goo …
My girlfriend likes a good six-pack in a guy. Funnily enough, I need a good six-pack in me to like the girlfriend.
Continue ReadingIsn’t an out-of-date egg …
Isn’t an out-of-date egg really just a chicken?
Continue ReadingApparently the secret to …
Apparently the secret to a successful joke is a punchline with a pop culture reference, so here goes: Bubble wrap.
Continue ReadingI was never very good at …
I was never very good at understanding long words…. WTF does abbreviation mean?
Continue ReadingI was walking past a buil …
I was walking past a building site, when one of the builders shouted “Your tie looks stupid, get a blue one.” I hate constructive criticism.
Continue ReadingWhy do French people drin …
Why do French people drink loads of wine? It’s the closest they’re ever going to get to a ‘win’.
Continue ReadingI said to my mate, “I’m g …
I said to my mate, “I’m going to get some steak for the dinner tonight.” He said, “Butcher?” I said, in a lower voice, “I’m going to get some steak for the dinner tonight.”
Continue ReadingI see that a new “scienti …
I see that a new “scientific report” is informing us that there’s a new type of fat we need to be aware of the dangers of. Apparently, most people have never heard of it, don’t know it’s there, and you can’t see or feel it. This report has been produced by GlaxoSmithKline, who, quite coincidentally, […]
Continue ReadingA guy from the authoritie …
A guy from the authorities came round today and said “I need to ask you to take your “For Sale” sign down.” “Why?” I asked. “Because although you’ve nearly completed your sentence, I’m afraid that you’re not, and never have been, the legal owner of this prison cell.”
Continue ReadingWent round my mate’s hous …
Went round my mate’s house to see he’d had a rain forest installed in his living room complete with snakes, monkeys and tree frogs. I said: “So, your Amazon order finally arrived.”
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