I always take life with a …
I always take life with a pinch of salt…plus a slice of lemon…and a shot of tequila.
Continue ReadingHSBC have told me that an …
HSBC have told me that any payments into my account are going to take a few extra days to clear this week because of the jubilee bank holiday. Which is weird really, because when I called their processing centre in Kuala Lumpur, none of the workers had been told to take a couple of days […]
Continue ReadingMy mate took the stand wh …
My mate took the stand when he was a witness in court. Now he’s back as the defendant for stealing courtroom furniture.
Continue Readingif anyone wants my IP add …
if anyone wants my IP address it’s upstairs and it’s the room with the toilet.
Continue ReadingUnfortunately, there is n …
Unfortunately, there is no “I” in the word “Ego”.
Continue ReadingA feller was sitting on a …
A feller was sitting on a park bench eating his lunch when an old lady with a poodle walked up. The dog was pestering the guy for some food, so he asks the old lady, “Is it ok if I throw him a bit?” She says, “Sure, go ahead.” The feller grabbed the dog by […]
Continue Readingnothing says you’re an il …
nothing says you’re an illiterate 12 year old boy who’s uncle makes you do things you don’t understand like starting your sentences without a capital letter.
Continue ReadingThere was an accident on …
There was an accident on the motorway today. I tried to help the victims but there was so much blood that I felt sick and had to leave. I’m sure they’ll be okay until a different ambulance gets there.
Continue ReadingIs it only me that thinks …
Is it only me that thinks these facebook ‘help stop’ groups are the perfect place to test out sickipedia jokes?
Continue ReadingWhat’s big, red and white …
What’s big, red and white? English land-fill.
Continue ReadingAs the Chief Executive of …
As the Chief Executive of McDonald’s I thought it would be a good idea to work undercover in one of our restaurants. I thought this would be a great opportunity to see how things are actually run on a day to day basis. So as anybody would, I had to go for an interview to […]
Continue Reading“Daddy. I’m too big for t …
“Daddy. I’m too big for these trousers. Look how far my legs stick out” “They’re called shorts, son”
Continue ReadingMy friend’s facebook stat …
My friend’s facebook status says “Michael Jackson you are a living legend”… ..Well, actually mate I beg to differ.
Continue ReadingMy wife said to me earlie …
My wife said to me earlier “Close the window for God’s sake, it’s cold outside.” Useless cow. I checked an hour later and it was still cold outside.
Continue ReadingMy wife just asked me to …
My wife just asked me to change our baby, so I cut off his arms and sewed on a beak.
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