My mate told me he’s a le …
My mate told me he’s a lead singer. I don’t know why though, burning cables seems pointless.
Continue ReadingAll these problems in the …
All these problems in the EU with Greece. Has no one heard of Cilit Bang?
Continue ReadingI was walking through the …
I was walking through the park and I saw an old guy doing Tai Chi. I watched him for a while, marvelling at his moves. Only when I got closer did I see it was a tramp trying to put on his coat.
Continue ReadingMy alarm clock and I had …
My alarm clock and I had a fight. It wanted me to get up, I refused. Things escalated. Now I’m awake and my alarm clock is broken. Not sure who won the fight.
Continue ReadingI had one of those heart …
I had one of those heart stopping moments today. It was cardiopulmonary arrest.
Continue ReadingDoes anyone else want to …
Does anyone else want to meet a police officer with the last name World?
Continue ReadingA dodgy looking fellow ca …
A dodgy looking fellow came up to me and said, “You see all this cocaine? It can all be yours for a special price.” “Forget it,” I replied, “There’s no way I’m kidnapping Jordan’s son.”
Continue ReadingMy wife asked for jewelle …
My wife asked for jewellery for her birthday, so she was quite upset when I bought her a steel bar which fixes into door frames. “What do you expect me to do with it?” She asked angrily. “Come on love, chin up.”
Continue ReadingWhen I was a journalist m …
When I was a journalist my newspaper relocated, I had two choices, to leave or to move with The Times.
Continue ReadingThe Metropolitan Police A …
The Metropolitan Police Air Support Unit. Because pigs CAN fly.
Continue Readingonly_girls_allowed wrote: …
only_girls_allowed wrote: What’s the difference between Kate and Gerry McCann and Josef Fritzl? Josef knows where his daughter is. ————————————– That’s not really a difference is it?
Continue ReadingMy wife reckons I suck at …
My wife reckons I suck at arguing, I agree!
Continue ReadingI thought it would be saf …
I thought it would be safe at Asda on the ‘travellater” But when i got to the top, Shadow knocked me out with his pugal stick.
Continue ReadingNecrophilia… I’ve never …
Necrophilia… I’ve never felt more alive!
Continue ReadingMy international sword sm …
My international sword smuggling operation nearly ended after a cop pulled me over and discovered my haul. “You’re making a bit of money are you” he said, suggesting a bribe. So I gave him a cut.
Continue Reading