My mind is made up, Docto …
My mind is made up, Doctor Frankenstein is my dad.
Continue ReadingI’ve just had my planning …
I’ve just had my planning application for some land turned down. Ah well, best not dwell on it.
Continue Readingfacebook.cn, the Chinese …
facebook.cn, the Chinese version of Facebook, was launched earlier today. Within hours, it had 12 million pages, but unfortunately, they’re all the same.
Continue ReadingI have how predictive tex …
I have how predictive texts change what i’m about to saw.
Continue ReadingSo who else’s first react …
So who else’s first reaction to the tragic death of Michael Jackson was… “SICKIPEDIA”? I wonder how many jokes have already been made?
Continue ReadingAren’t custard creams jus …
Aren’t custard creams just albino chocolate bourbons
Continue ReadingWhen’s my Dolmio day? Whe …
When’s my Dolmio day? When I lose the ability to open a tin of chopped tomatoes and crush some garlic.
Continue ReadingI’m a racist magician and …
I’m a racist magician and every trick I do contains one element. Cutting the Pak.
Continue ReadingI’ve spent pretty much th …
I’ve spent pretty much the whole day just wandering the streets and showing people my tackle. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, especially the rugby fans.
Continue ReadingTwo policeman get surroun …
Two policeman get surrounded by an angry mob in the street. One of the policeman grabs his radio and shouts, “We’re going to need back up.” A voice at the other end went, “Do wop, de-do-de-doody-doo … “
Continue ReadingIf practice makes perfect …
If practice makes perfect, Then you’re a dyslexic.
Continue ReadingI just heard an ad warnin …
I just heard an ad warning people about adding salt to already salted foods and it said ‘You wouldn’t have bread with bread’ Have they not had a sandwich?
Continue ReadingI recently bought a bottl …
I recently bought a bottle of brown sauce which carried the warning ‘Do not use if seal is broken’. As soon as I opened it, the seal broke, immediately rendering it unusable. I was wondering, how many other innocent shoppers, especially pensioners have fallen for this evil scam?
Continue ReadingWhat’s the best time for …
What’s the best time for your wife to watch the football? In a coma.
Continue ReadingThanks to my wife not coo …
Thanks to my wife not cooking for me tonight I have been forced to use a Thai takeaway service I found in the yellow pages. They gaurantee to deliver a replacement woman to my door in 7 working days.
Continue Reading