The difference between li …
The difference between lightning and London Underground workers? As far as I know, lightning never strikes twice in the same place
Continue ReadingGetting the female contor …
Getting the female contortionist’s from the circus to come back to my flat was definitely a result, but challenging them to a game of strip Twister was not the smartest way of trying to get their kit off.
Continue ReadingMy Grandad told me one of …
My Grandad told me one of his favourite jokes from back in the day. ‘Three black men were on fire……..’ I guess his humour was a little basic.
Continue ReadingMy daughter was making a …
My daughter was making a terrible racket last night. It barely lasted 2 sets.
Continue ReadingI got chatting to a lumbe …
I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller.
Continue ReadingFacebook-mad couple named …
Facebook-mad couple named their daughter Like. And weirdly if you remove the word Facebook from that sentence then it makes more sense.
Continue ReadingI went to the gym today w …
I went to the gym today worked out for one hour and ended up gaining twenty pounds. Some idiot left the key in his locker.
Continue ReadingSo Facebook has just adde …
So Facebook has just added a live feed of what each friend is doing. This is going to make stalking pictures very awkward…
Continue ReadingIn light of Amy Whinehous …
In light of Amy Whinehouse’s untimely death her friend Pete Doherty has been rumoured turning to drugs to help him ease his pain. Hang in there Pete, hang in there.
Continue ReadingI didn’t know whether to …
I didn’t know whether to get my baby boy a toy or a pet this Christmas – so I got him a rattle snake.
Continue ReadingI’m part of a gang which …
I’m part of a gang which make drug deals on aeroplanes We operate above the law.
Continue ReadingA lot of people seem to f …
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
Continue ReadingWhat did the talking hat …
What did the talking hat say to the scarf? “You can hang around. I’ll just go on ahead.”
Continue ReadingI love going window shopp …
I love going window shopping. Sometimes, I even buy a door.
Continue ReadingRemember, you are your ow …
Remember, you are your own person, no-one should tell you what to do, you don’t need to listen to anyone but yourself. Of course, if you follow this advice then you’ve already failed.
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