The doctor told my wife s …
The doctor told my wife she was pregnant for the third time today. Not sure why, we heard him the first time.
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I hate eating frozen ready meals. So,I always cook them first.
Continue ReadingThere were three holes in …
There were three holes in the ground, Well well well.
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I remember all the baking I did in home economics in school. The teachers couldn’t see round the back of that building.
Continue ReadingI poured a can of Lilt on …
I poured a can of Lilt on my wife yesterday. I love tropical humour.
Continue ReadingWhat’s worse than a vuvuz …
What’s worse than a vuvuzela? Bad mathematicians having it out on sickipedia about vuvuzelas.
Continue ReadingI was at school today and …
I was at school today and I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open, never mind concentrate on any of my work. Luckily though I got a second wind after lunch. Unfortunately it never turned out to be a ‘second wind’ and I’m now sitting in an old pair of joggers from […]
Continue ReadingThe Telegraph: “Cow leaps …
The Telegraph: “Cow leaps three foot fence and squashes car” That’s the last time I let my wife use the Land Rover.
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to make mone …
I’ve decided to make money writing dieting books. I’m told they appeal to a very wide audience.
Continue ReadingOn my last holiday, I too …
On my last holiday, I took a guided tour of a spring factory. It was in the Dordogne.
Continue ReadingI’ve learnt so much from …
I’ve learnt so much from my mistakes, I’m actually thinking about making a few more.
Continue ReadingIt was my first night as …
It was my first night as a rent boy last night and I forgot the lube. I did a raw ring trade.
Continue ReadingI was telling some friend …
I was telling some friends on the internet about a site that does cheap sausages. They asked, “Are they any good?” I said, “Yes, would you like me to send you a link?”
Continue ReadingThe weather is really up …
The weather is really up in the air at the moment.
Continue ReadingI’ve developed a cure for …
I’ve developed a cure for cancer. If you can forget about what it is that you’re eating then it actually tastes a lot like bacon.
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