Nothing says “I was bulli …
Nothing says “I was bullied at school” quite like becoming a copper
Continue ReadingThe worse thing I ever ha …
The worse thing I ever had to do as a doctor was tell Billy Ray Cyrus he needed heart surgery.
Continue ReadingGot banned from eBay the …
Got banned from eBay the other day. Apparently Black, and Asian people “have every right to bid on my items.”
Continue ReadingGravity has been a lot ki …
Gravity has been a lot kinder to me than it has to my wife. She just fell off the roof.
Continue ReadingMy wife wasn’t impressed …
My wife wasn’t impressed when I skipped breakfast this morning. It was a string of sausages.
Continue ReadingSeeing grandparents at Ch …
Seeing grandparents at Christmas is brilliant; it reminds you that, no matter how bad you get, there’s always someone more racist than you.
Continue ReadingSon: “Mum, when I was bor …
Son: “Mum, when I was born what did you wish I’d be?” Mother: “Your father’s”…
Continue ReadingI find ‘the difference be …
I find ‘the difference between chalk and cheese’ is significantly greater when playing snooker.
Continue ReadingI have a job interview ne …
I have a job interview next week and I have put down on my CV that I am a social commentator. Am I alright to stick you guys down as a reference?
Continue ReadingI was sat in the pub last …
I was sat in the pub last night when a 7 foot purple frog, wearing a top hat walked into the bar. I thought, “That’s unusual. Frogs normally hop.”
Continue ReadingI fix cattle grids for a …
I fix cattle grids for a living. It’s a grate job.
Continue ReadingWhat is a Dog? 1) Dogs li …
What is a Dog? 1) Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2) They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room. 3) They can look dumb and lovable all at the same […]
Continue ReadingDear L’Oreal, How do you …
Dear L’Oreal, How do you know your products work if they weren’t tested on animals?
Continue ReadingTry not to drink coffee i …
Try not to drink coffee in the morning. It will keep you awake all day.
Continue ReadingI woke up yesterday and I …
I woke up yesterday and I can’t explain it, but I felt like I was a meadow all day – it was horrible. Today is much better – I’m having a field day.
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