My doctors surgery does a …
My doctors surgery does a drop in session every friday, 12:00- 2:00 But when I arrived, the doctor looked at me in a funny way. Probably something to do with the parachute on my back.
Continue ReadingSnooker – It’s like tossi …
Snooker – It’s like tossing off a man behind you
Continue ReadingWife asked me for a cup o …
Wife asked me for a cup of tea earlier.. I poured her out a cup of boiling water. She said “How about a teabag love” So i gave her one.
Continue ReadingI needed a new computer p …
I needed a new computer part but the only place that stocked it was on the other side of the country, so I had to go 300 miles in my Dodge RAM. It was a hard drive.
Continue Reading“If you want to live much …
“If you want to live much longer” said the doctor gravely, “you’ll have to stop smoking.” “It’s too late for that,” I said. “It’s never too late to stop.” “Well, then I have plenty of time left.”
Continue ReadingLiverpool…..The only pl …
Liverpool…..The only place where you can find a multipack of Fathers’ Day cards.
Continue ReadingI used the garbage out of …
I used the garbage out of our bin as bait today when I went fishing. I caught two catfish, three water-rats and a pikey.
Continue ReadingIdentical Twins. They’re …
Identical Twins. They’re all the same.
Continue ReadingGreat news for Virgin med …
Great news for Virgin media customers, they are doubling broadband speeds, I’m so excited I’ve just got my calculator out to see what zero multiplied by two is. Oh.
Continue ReadingMy son left me in charge …
My son left me in charge of the catering for his 14h birthday party so I hired a naked woman to lie on a table covered in sushi. “So how did it taste” I asked him “It was horrible, slimy and stank of fish but the sushi was delicious thanks dad”
Continue ReadingEA Sports, its in the gam …
EA Sports, its in the game session no longer available
Continue ReadingSickiLeaks – people copyi …
SickiLeaks – people copying our jokes and putting them as their Facebook status and playing along as if they made them up since 2006
Continue ReadingDefinition of the use for …
Definition of the use for a Wok. What you fwo at a Wabbit when you don’t have a Wifle.
Continue ReadingSaw an Ad on a website sa …
Saw an Ad on a website saying “Shocking Hair Loss Trick” I thought- scissors?
Continue ReadingTramps…when given ‘chan …
Tramps…when given ‘change for a cuppa’ why not put it towards a kettle and teabags. Its far more economical long term.
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