I’m a good kind of guy wh …
I’m a good kind of guy who laughs at my own mistakes. My son didn’t think it was funny though…
Continue ReadingI met my mate in the pub …
I met my mate in the pub last night for some serious drinking.. We sat there in our suits and frowned the whole time.
Continue ReadingA doctor and a lawyer wer …
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out […]
Continue ReadingAldi: Where the hourly wa …
Aldi: Where the hourly wage is more than a weekly shop.
Continue ReadingYou know what they say… …
You know what they say… laughter is the best medicine. I’ve struggled for 2 years now not to crack a joke since the wife got Cancer.
Continue ReadingHave you heard, Tesco are …
Have you heard, Tesco are employing more midgets than any one else? Every Little Helps
Continue ReadingLosing an eye upsets most …
Losing an eye upsets most people, but it makes a simile smile.
Continue ReadingI loved carving wood when …
I loved carving wood when I was a whittle boy.
Continue ReadingYou know why 20 notes are …
You know why 20 notes are always so clean? Because poor people don’t touch them.
Continue ReadingWhen I’m feeling down I l …
When I’m feeling down I like to just sit and hold my wife tight. The fact she can’t escape from my full nelson always cheers me up.
Continue ReadingI was in a nightclub queu …
I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing. One guy pushed the other and said, “Four, nine.” The other man pushed him back and said, “Sixteen, twenty-five.” A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, “I need some help at the door. We’ve got a couple of men […]
Continue ReadingDidn’t ‘Seasonal Affectiv …
Didn’t ‘Seasonal Affective disorder’ just used to be called ‘Winter’?
Continue ReadingI was in North America re …
I was in North America recently, when someone stopped me and asked – “Excuse me, how far’s Chicago?” I said “about another 30 miles, the petrol’s on red”.
Continue ReadingFirst world stoner proble …
First world stoner problem: Not being able to hear the TV over the sound of crisps being eaten. Third world stoner problem: Nothing to get rid of cottenmouth.
Continue ReadingDuring Sunday dinner, Lit …
During Sunday dinner, Little Johnny wants to say something to his Dad, but his Dad raises a warning finger: “Be quiet. I am talking to the grown-ups. Speak when you are spoken to.” When the conversation is over, Little Johnny is allowed to speak: “Doesn’t matter now, Dad,” he says. “You’ve already eaten the slug […]
Continue Reading