QJOQ

I have an irrational fear of warrior princesses ….. I must be a Xenaphobe.

I was at my local tennis club with my wife yesterday watching two men playing. One of them served and the ball hit the other guy right in the nuts. I thought to myself “I’m gonna turn that into a really good gag!” But the ball wouldn’t fit in her mouth.

People are always telling me that my wife of 12 years… is too young to married.

Thank you Amy Winehouse for bringing a new word to my vocabulary. ‘How was last night, mate? ‘I got absolutely misadventured!’

I can jump higher than a house. A house can’t jump.

I was playing Sunday league football against a team from the asylum. There were some strong tackles going in. I said to the ref, “Christ, these defenders are committed, aren’t they?” “Yeah,” he replied, “even the manager’s in for two counts of murder.”

When I came back from Saudi Arabia I was court marshaled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

You’ve got to hand it to Sarah Jessica Parker, she’s had to jump over a lot of hurdles to get to where she is today.