albertgordon posted: My F …
albertgordon posted: My Father said that he is so fed up of all my pets, the next one I get he is going to drown. I’m seriously considering getting a shark. ————————– I’d get a pet toaster.
Continue ReadingI must be very clever, ne …
I must be very clever, never heard anyone question my intelligence. Or mention it for that matter.
Continue ReadingMy wife’s choice of famil …
My wife’s choice of family holidays had always caused problems. This year, she has booked us on a railway tour of Germany. It’s going from Bad to Wurz.
Continue ReadingAre there any other sleep …
Are there any other sleepwalkers out there that do anything else other than just walk around? I’m just wandering.
Continue ReadingSince I lost my job, I’ve …
Since I lost my job, I’ve been eating into my savings. But in hindsight, I should have just spent it on food.
Continue ReadingMy mate said “all cleaner …
My mate said “all cleaners are thick slags.” ‘Bit of a sweeping statement’ I thought.
Continue ReadingMATALAN. Because you are …
MATALAN. Because you are too proud to shop at Primark but too poor to buy clothes at Top Shop.
Continue ReadingMy wife complained about …
My wife complained about not being wanted, so I went to the post office and put up her picture.
Continue Reading“I was living with a girl …
“I was living with a girl for about eight months, until she found out I was there.”
Continue ReadingShrewd move by Hollywood …
Shrewd move by Hollywood film bosses to film parts of World War Z in Glasgow. Why spends millions on extra’s dressed up a flesh eating, mindless crazy fools when you can just video kicking out time in the pubs?
Continue ReadingPregnancy is one of the h …
Pregnancy is one of the hardest things a woman can go through. Surely a brick wall would be worse.
Continue ReadingI was having dinner with …
I was having dinner with the Elephant Man the other day and pointed out that he’d got some gravy on his chin. “Thank you!” he replied, giving it a rub. “Can’t have people staring at me.”
Continue ReadingI downloaded i-player and …
I downloaded i-player and i-tunes onto my i-mac to put on my i-pod and i-pad. Im so excited i cant wait to get on the i-phone and tell all my friends! Balance, O2 customer services and the samaritans will be well impressed.
Continue Reading“Each morning I look thro …
“Each morning I look through the Forbes list of richest people. If I’m not there I go to work.”
Continue ReadingI’m not Capitalist BUT, I …
I’m not Capitalist BUT, I do think there are too many Londoners in this country.
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