I just phoned for a pizza …
I just phoned for a pizza and asked the woman, “How long will it be?” She said, “It”ll be round.”
Continue ReadingJust posted a human papil …
Just posted a human papilloma video to Youtube …. I’m hoping it goes viral
Continue ReadingMy wife has left me becau …
My wife has left me because of my obsession with card games. I can’t deal with it.
Continue ReadingThe hotel I was staying a …
The hotel I was staying at last night screwed up my booking so they had to put me in the honeymoon suite. It was excellent. I was staying with a lovely young couple from Devon.
Continue ReadingHaiti Cemetery… Remind …
Haiti Cemetery… Remind you of a school game? BUNDLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Continue ReadingStatement: Your son doesn …
Statement: Your son doesn’t really take after your side, a bit from his mothers… Real Meaning: He looks like the milkman.
Continue ReadingIt’s the first time that …
It’s the first time that a disease caused by something long, hard and green hasn’t been an STD.
Continue ReadingI was taking my dog out t …
I was taking my dog out the other day when I met this bloke who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have him put down. He asked me, “is he mad?” To which I replied, […]
Continue ReadingI always clean my entire …
I always clean my entire house religiously. Once for Easter, once for Christmas.
Continue ReadingYorkshire demolition expe …
Yorkshire demolition experts. Always looking for t’rubble.
Continue Reading12 people have been kille …
12 people have been killed in a shooting at a Batman film premiere in the US city of Denver. “Any chance of showing us the red carpet?”
Continue ReadingThe airlift to bring home …
The airlift to bring home customers of collapsed travel operator XL Leisure involved flying home 5,000 desperate holidaymakers from Magaluf to Liverpool. Luckily they arrived just in time to collect their JobSeekers Allowances.
Continue ReadingAfrican boxer Mongo Umbon …
African boxer Mongo Umbongo successfully returns to the ring after having both legs amputated below the knee following a landmine accident. His pro record now stands at 10 wins without defeat.
Continue ReadingAt the funfair saw a sign …
At the funfair saw a sign, said “Axe hanging over funfair, please help us.” Then it hit me, bit of a sore point to be honest.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been crowned “W …
I’ve just been crowned “World Champion Liar”
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