My teacher asked, “Can an …
My teacher asked, “Can anyone name a sport that begins with a ‘Q’?” I said, “Yes, the marathon.”
Continue ReadingBritish councils: Please …
British councils: Please dress your children warmly for the wintry conditions. Thanks for that tip! I was about to send them to school in shorts and flip flops!
Continue ReadingMy mate was telling me ho …
My mate was telling me how he always plays the same numbers for the lottery. 4, 9, 16, 25 and 36. What a square.
Continue ReadingWest Ham are like Lady Pe …
West Ham are like Lady Penelope. No Parker, no drive.
Continue ReadingI got fired as manager of …
I got fired as manager of a small liposuction clinic for throwing my weight around.
Continue ReadingDoes anyone else find it …
Does anyone else find it disturbing that Americans spend the most money on new things the day after they say they’re grateful for what they already have?
Continue ReadingI was haggling with a sho …
I was haggling with a shopkeeper earlier. I said, “Come on mate. You know how this works. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.” He said, “Sir, I haven’t got all day. Do you want this backscratcher or not?”
Continue ReadingMatthew Pyke got stabbed …
Matthew Pyke got stabbed 86 times after an internet gaming debate. I say that’s fair enough. Anyone who survived 85 stab wounds must have been cheating.
Continue ReadingFor such a pessimistic, c …
For such a pessimistic, cynical and extremist lot, I’m surprised at how many people on here are married.
Continue ReadingYou have to admit that th …
You have to admit that the ingenuity and inventiveness of the human race is nothing short of astounding. Look how far we have come. At one time early humans were nomads just walking around naked. Then they invented clothes and learned to build dens in which to live. Then we discovered the wheel and learned […]
Continue ReadingDad: “What did you learn …
Dad: “What did you learn at school today son?” Son: “The 21st letter of the alphabet and the fifth month, can I tell you what they are?” Dad: “You may”
Continue ReadingI was at the airport with …
I was at the airport with some friend’s and for a bet I was going to run through customs naked with a gun. But I couldn’t go through with it.
Continue ReadingSo, a cat and a dog go in …
So, a cat and a dog go into a Chinese takeaway… Not all of them, obviously. They also use pork and chicken.
Continue ReadingMy mate gives me the horn …
My mate gives me the horn. He works next to me on the production line in a car plant.
Continue ReadingI don’t claim to be a big …
I don’t claim to be a big deal…. but let’s just say I am what Willis was talking about.
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