Anabolic, Carbolic, Parab …
Anabolic, Carbolic, Parabolic, Symbolic; What a load of Bolics.
Continue ReadingI had just come through t …
I had just come through the front door when my girlfriend came racing up to me and whispered in my ear, “You have something I want…..it’s 7 inches long, pink, and in your trousers.” I looked back at her in disgust, and said “Get your own Euromillions ticket you tight cow!”
Continue ReadingI read recipes the same w …
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
Continue ReadingGod must see my fat wife …
God must see my fat wife as a charity. He seems to be giving her body 2 pounds a month.
Continue ReadingThe smallest things alway …
The smallest things always get on my nerves… Like Dwarfs
Continue ReadingI drive a steam roller. M …
I drive a steam roller. Most people prefer a petrol or diesel engine, but I wanted my Rolls Royce to be unique.
Continue ReadingI get my kicks out of cud …
I get my kicks out of cuddling wild horses.
Continue ReadingWhy does the Avon lady wa …
Why does the Avon lady walk funny? Because her lipstick.
Continue ReadingWhenever you find a new d …
Whenever you find a new dealer who has particularly strong pills or MDMA, do make sure to phone Kate and Gerry at any time of day or night so that they can share in the joy that you’ve found mad E. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.
Continue ReadingYou can now use a new ser …
You can now use a new service on Twitter called Twitter With! Simply type TW followed by the relevant celebrity. For instance: TW@piersmorgan
Continue ReadingI got thrown out of my co …
I got thrown out of my company’s annual family picnic, because apparently there are multiple ways to interpret the term “sack race”.
Continue ReadingMy wife has this very ann …
My wife has this very annoying habit, It takes up half the wardrobe.
Continue ReadingApprently you have to be …
Apprently you have to be cruel to be kind By that logic i’m the worlds kindest father.
Continue ReadingThom Yorke told in an int …
Thom Yorke told in an interview how his new smartphone keeps checking itself for viruses and malware. He said it’s a paranoid android.
Continue ReadingI think I’m going to have …
I think I’m going to have to make a complaint about my doctor. I recently went to see him because of an outbreak of itchy, weeping sores all over my body. He gave me a thorough examination, prescribed a bottle of pills and said, “Just follow the instructions on the packet and you should be […]
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