I drowned all my housemat …
I drowned all my housemate’s pet mice while he was at work. No more Mr Mice guy.
Continue ReadingI told my son to stand up …
I told my son to stand up to bullies. They still beat him up though, his jokes were terrible.
Continue ReadingI’ve always been truthful …
I’ve always been truthful with my son. I don’t tell him these lies that other parents use all the time. He has always known that Father Christmas isn’t real, he knows that too much T.V. does not make your eyes square and he knows he is the reason why me and his mother fell out […]
Continue Reading“Home is where the heart …
“Home is where the heart is” The police then took me back to my cell as the murder investigators went to my house.
Continue ReadingMy new doctor is a very a …
My new doctor is a very attractive busty blonde. I have now given up eating apples.
Continue ReadingBeing a bit of a hypochon …
Being a bit of a hypochondriac, i like to stockpile lots of medicines just in case. I’ve got a crate of aspirins for my migraines, a vat of cough syrup for tickly throats and as for ointment, I’ve got piles.
Continue ReadingI like my women like I li …
I like my women like I like my shampoo Nice ‘n’ Easy
Continue ReadingOn a farm, an old woman s …
On a farm, an old woman sent her grandson to the pond for some water. As he dipped the bucket in, an alligator appeared from under the surface. He dropped the bucket and legged it back to his Grandma’s kitchen. “I can’t get water from that pond,” he cried. “There’s this alligator in there!” She […]
Continue ReadingDon’t judge people by the …
Don’t judge people by the colour of their skin. Muslims can be white too you know.
Continue ReadingI decided to splash the c …
I decided to splash the cash earlier The coins didn’t get damaged but the notes were ruined
Continue ReadingFacebook should have an o …
Facebook should have an option to not post to Your profile that You have added someone better looking than Your partner behind there back. It would save those mad panicking seconds of waiting for Your profile to load so You can delete it manually before they find out.
Continue ReadingAs a pyromaniac, I must s …
As a pyromaniac, I must say I found Match.com to be incredibly disappointing.
Continue ReadingWhy are the slender protu …
Why are the slender protuberances from eukaryotic cells more comical than the flagella found on prokaryotic cells? Because the former are cilia! (In reality, they are not “sillier” and are, if anything, more motile due to sinosoidal undulations!!).
Continue ReadingI was feeling miserable a …
I was feeling miserable at work when my secretary gave me a lamp. Certainly brightened up my day.
Continue ReadingI was an accountant from …
I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty before I was sacked for no apparent reason. What a waste of fourteen years.
Continue Reading