Most people love mathemat …
Most people love mathematical proofs, but I theor-um.
Continue ReadingMy best mate doesn’t know …
My best mate doesn’t know how to take a joke. He always ends up getting sued by Gary Delaney.
Continue ReadingI love all the different …
I love all the different words americans use for things, but frosting is the icing on the cake
Continue ReadingJust woke my wife up by …
Just woke my wife up by slapping the tops of her inner thighs. She hates me beating around the bush.
Continue ReadingWith a Knighthood you bec …
With a Knighthood you become a Sir and thus gain respect. So where did it all go wrong for my teachers?
Continue ReadingThe last time I went to t …
The last time I went to the doctors he told me that I was going blind. I haven’t seen him since.
Continue ReadingI was driving through Wal …
I was driving through Wales yesterday, when I realised that I was probably lost. The signs were not looking good.
Continue ReadingGot asked to make a new s …
Got asked to make a new sauce… …I’m relishing the opportunity
Continue ReadingI was at the market the o …
I was at the market the other day in my nice new striped sweater, but I got lost in a crowd of people. I looked like a Wally.
Continue ReadingAfter surviving forty str …
After surviving forty straight years of hazardous and illegal driving on my rims, I’ve decided that it’s finally time to re-tyre.
Continue ReadingMy fat wife said to me “o …
My fat wife said to me “ooh, I could just murder a chocolate right now”. “Good idea”, I replied, “how about that Jamal who’s just moved in next door?”
Continue ReadingMy wallet is like an onio …
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.
Continue ReadingIsn’t it ironic that fat …
Isn’t it ironic that fat people wear joggers?
Continue ReadingDodgems: The only time i …
Dodgems: The only time i can legally ram young children.
Continue ReadingStatistically 9 out of 10 …
Statistically 9 out of 10 people are getting bored of the ‘theres an app for that’ jokes
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