My great grandfather was …
My great grandfather was the chemist who discovered Cobalt. So, in celebration of this, when he died, he was buried in a coffin made completely of Cobalt. Now he’s in his element.
Continue ReadingI did something really st …
I did something really stupid last night and now I can’t even look myself in the mirror. I should never have told that vampire she could bite me.
Continue ReadingMy mate said he knows som …
My mate said he knows someone who’s selling a cheap calculator. But I wouldn’t count on it.
Continue ReadingSomeone’s scratched off a …
Someone’s scratched off all the numbers from the corner of my Scrabble tiles. It’s pointless playing with them now.
Continue ReadingI sent my wife away for a …
I sent my wife away for a weekend in Paris. I hope I put enough postage on the crate.
Continue ReadingI was so nervous when I m …
I was so nervous when I met my future father-in-law that i blurted out, “Sir, May I have your daughters hole in handy matrimony?”
Continue ReadingFor his birthday I bought …
For his birthday I bought my son a large wooden castle, but he hated it. It’s the fort that counts
Continue ReadingI have just spent the day …
I have just spent the day up a mountain, standing on a sheer cliff ledge. I love acting the goat.
Continue ReadingA badly timed high five i …
A badly timed high five is just a slap in the face.
Continue ReadingJust reading a new book o …
Just reading a new book on big wild cats called Tiger Attack, by Claude Tobitz
Continue ReadingIt’s always a bewildering …
It’s always a bewildering moment when you’re on a camping holiday, then hear the doorbell.
Continue ReadingI hated being a vampire, …
I hated being a vampire, back in the day.
Continue Reading“I throw my hands up in t …
“I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying ‘Aaaaaaa Ohhhhhhhh!’” “That’s brilliant David, now take your Ritilin and get back to bed.”
Continue ReadingA fat chick on a jetty. N …
A fat chick on a jetty. Now THAT’S peir pressure.
Continue ReadingIt’s a dangerous job maki …
It’s a dangerous job making TV’s. There’s a very high-def rate.
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