Broken arms: Painful, but …
Broken arms: Painful, but humerus
Continue ReadingMy mate asked “Who was th …
My mate asked “Who was that lady i seen you with?” I corrected him “I saw”. He replied “Ok, who was that eyesore i seen you with?”
Continue ReadingWas reading an article ab …
Was reading an article about the clocks going back at 2am and came across this; “However some 90 years after it was first introduced, critics say by changing the clocks we adversely affect our body’s natural rhythms.” They’re quick off the mark aren’t they?
Continue ReadingSome old lady dropped her …
Some old lady dropped her bag outside Tesco this morning. My wife looked at me and said, “Well, don’t just stand there.” So I started doing star jumps.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a woman and a plate? You lick a plate when you’re finished.
Continue ReadingA city slicker was drivin …
A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale. “Afraid not,” said the farmer. “I’ll give you a thousand bucks!” said the city fella. “I can’t sell […]
Continue ReadingI think it’s possible to …
I think it’s possible to relate to mirrors. Or is it just me.
Continue ReadingMy son brought home his s …
My son brought home his school report. It said, “It is unfortunate that Daniel sets himself such low standards. It is even more unfortunate that he consistently fails to achieve them.”
Continue ReadingMy wife accused me of bei …
My wife accused me of being childish as we left the fair, so I wouldn’t let it go. “Alright, your not childish, but for God’s sake let it go will you?” my wife moaned. “Not until you say you’re sorry and that I’m not childish” I replied. “Ok, I’m sorry and your not childish, now […]
Continue ReadingAlthough I’ve enjoyed the …
Although I’ve enjoyed the last eighteen years of work, calibrating the nudge function of pub fruit machines.. I’ve put my career on hold for a while.
Continue ReadingIn prison, I began work a …
In prison, I began work as surgeon. I managed to join two inmates together while they were sleeping. When they woke up, they were confused.
Continue ReadingI was a real head turner …
I was a real head turner when I was a young girl. I was posessed by the devil.
Continue ReadingThe Sun – Prize Blunder: …
The Sun – Prize Blunder: Nan ate 10,000 Kit Kat Give her a break!
Continue ReadingI was coming out of Tesco …
I was coming out of Tesco with the kids, and this bloke came up to me rattling a bucket full of change. “Down syndrome children, sir?” he said. I thought thats a bit harsh, they get their looks from their mum.
Continue ReadingA man gets stranded on a …
A man gets stranded on a mysterious island where he comes across a stranger. Slightly worried he asks the stranger “are there any cannibals on this island?” At which the stranger replies “no, no ,no don’t worry there aren’t any cannibals here….. I ate the last one”
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