I said to my mate, “I’m v …
I said to my mate, “I’m very poor at the minute, so I’m going to join the army.” He said, “Why the army?” I replied, “You get a free haircut.”
Continue ReadingSaw a flattened little de …
Saw a flattened little dead silver dog in the middle of the road. Apparently Someone didn’t win on the scratchcard.
Continue ReadingBBC news: “Blackbeard scu …
BBC news: “Blackbeard scuppers his own ship for the insurance, burning it down to ashes” Arrrrrrson.
Continue ReadingI think it’s unexceptable …
I think it’s unexceptable to mix races. You never see Horses and Dogs racing in one race do you.
Continue ReadingMy son’s just come home a …
My son’s just come home after a tough, grueling month at a bootcamp. He didn’t realise how hard it is training to be a cobbler.
Continue ReadingPoundland. The shop for p …
Poundland. The shop for people who think Lidl’s is too expensive.
Continue ReadingThere’s a mixed-race lad …
There’s a mixed-race lad at work. He only works half a day.
Continue ReadingI stood in WHSmith this m …
I stood in WHSmith this morning, and just took stock of my surroundings. According to security, this is shoplifting.
Continue ReadingAs a teenager I was into …
As a teenager I was into death metal and cooking… I was an angry man, but you’ve gotta eat.
Continue ReadingI’ve booked an appointmen …
I’ve booked an appointment with my tailor to shorten the length of my trousers. I hope he turns up.
Continue ReadingI had a TV Show about tre …
I had a TV Show about trees. But it got axed.
Continue ReadingWhy did the pie cross the …
Why did the pie cross the road? Because it was meat ‘n’ potato.
Continue ReadingI bought my wife a 52″ LG …
I bought my wife a 52″ LG for her birthday. Now she’s got no excuse not to do the washing.
Continue ReadingMy wife is just like Mich …
My wife is just like Michael Jackson Shamone’s a lot.
Continue ReadingI said to my mate the oth …
I said to my mate the other night, “don’t you hate it when someone is telling a joke and it ends with a terrible punch line?” He said, “yes”.
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